Are you in intense pain or have a debilitating illness, disease, or even cancer? Did you reach out to God for him to heal you? Are you so angry at God for not taking it away?
You may have reached out, cried, begged, pleaded, demanded for God to take it away, but He didn't. I have been there, where I went through that with God and then I felt guilty for being angry at God. A couple of years ago, someone told me: "its okay to be angry at God. What, you don't think He can handle it?"
God can handle it! Its okay to be angry and hurt, for a season. The anger is probably derived from hurt. You might have felt like God didn't care enough about you to heal you or maybe you felt abandoned or alone. It's possible that the symptoms or pain felt too big to handle. You may be grieving the life you once knew: the good health, being able to juggle family, employment, good health, great social life, volunteering, or anything else that is a part of a normal every day life.
I was injured at work over 20 years ago where a 20 lb box fell on my head. It changed my life. I went from working full time, with great health, was taking classes at a nearby college, attending and volunteering at my church, and going out with my friends all the time, etc...to a life that was the opposite. I was not able to work like I wanted and was going to never-ending doctor's appts because of the tremendous health issues, debilitating pain, and symptoms that accumulated. I couldn't handle being around a lot of everyday sounds because they sounded like sirens blasting in my ears, couldn't go outside a lot because my body temperature changed to being extra sensitive to heat and cold, and my social life plummeted. So my life felt hopeless and useless especially because I wanted to do so much and couldn't. I saw my friends building families, careers, and a life I wanted. I felt so alone, abandoned by God, and I grieved for many years.
My life is not what I wanted it to be but because of all that I went through and still go through, God changed me. I now am able to identify with a lot of people who go through tons of pain, encourage people all over the world through Facebook and the internet. God has given me a desire and talent to be an artist and has given me peace and joy through the pain. It's a distraction from all the health issues I deal with in my body.
God never promised to take us out of the pain, but walk with us, THROUGH it. He knows what you are going through. He has heard your prayers, seen your tears. Something new might be birthed because of the hard times that you go through. You may not see it now, but God may use you THROUGH the pain. It could be a desire to help people build a new organization to meet people's needs, donate time or money to a charity in another country or down the street, write a book, pray for the hurting people, write letters to disabled vets, make quilts for sick children in hospitals, etc....the opportunities are endless.
Remember that when the pain is so hard, sometimes all you can do is look to God for strength. I cling on to Him everyday for His strength. May you do the same.
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