moving forward

I may not like wearing masks. I may not like it when they close the indoor restaurants or other places again. I may not like everything that goes on in the world.  But I respect the fact that they are trying to keep us safe. So I wear the mask. I order take out if I need to and I pray and try to be content in the circumstance I am in.

I learned a long time ago that Life isn't always easy and it doesn't always make sense. So I've learned to keep on going even when I don't agree, to keep on praying, to keep on believing. Hopefully some day our new normal will change for the better, but even if it doesn't, we keep on moving forward, we keep on looking to God for our strength, and keep on living and striving for what God wants us to do in each season of our life.

Pain is No Respecter of Persons

Pain is no respecter of persons. It knows no boundaries. It plays no favorites. Pain doesn't care about religion, nationality, age, culture, what size or shape you are, or what continent you live on. A person may not have done anything for the Pain to grip their body.

Debilitating chronic pain can make you grieve the life you once had, like employment, more physical abilities, energy and strength; good health, bigger social life, and much more.

A good support team including, family and friends, is vital to the person's emotional well-being, especially at this time.

Pain can attack at any time of your life and may stay for a season or the rest of your life on earth. Some people turn to drugs, alcohol, and even overeating, while others turn to God or some other higher power they look to. Some receive healing from God, yet some don't. When they ask for a healing and haven't received one, some turn away from God because of the intense pain and rejection they feel. Yet little do they know, that God is by their side, holding their hand and going with them, through the pain.

If you are one of these, don't give up...there will come a time when the emotional pain that you deal with, won't be as strong as the physical pain. God does love you and He can give you strength through the pain. Believe me, I know, because I deal with tremendous pain with a roller coaster of symptoms, daily. I know what its like to struggle, and lose the life I once had. I grieved for years over not being able to do what I once could, or be who I used to be. I had to discover the new me. It was very challenging, but through God's love and strength, I conquered it. This isn't the life I requested, but it's the life I have now. I can be more damaging to my emotions or I can make the best of it. For me, I found my purpose is to help encourage others through the pain they endure.

It's okay to grieve your losses, but then find out your purpose in this life. 

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"

Understanding Fibromyalgia*

On behalf of all the people I know who has fibromyalgia and other debilitating chronic illness, I want to describe a little bit of what these people who have these illness deal with.

People tend to not understand ones who have fibromyalgia unless they have it themselves. It is hard to explain to people who don't have it...Yet the best way I can communicate it to others is how I feel with fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia feels like having the flu twenty-four hours a day, 7 days a week. I do know that everyone who has fibromyalgia may not have it as bad as I do, yet this will help you understand it a little better.

Think about the last time you had the flu or stomach virus. How did you feel? When someone has the flu, they feel weak and have little to no energy, where they can barely pick themselves up off the couch. They have feelings of nausea at times and deal with bowel problems. Their appetite changes and certain foods can make them feel more sick. Their temperature changes and they may feel like they have a fever. They can be really cold and shivering or really hot. It feels like their bones and muscles aches so bad...and may even cramp up. Their body has indescribable pain and they feel miserable and may feel down and not happy. Their stomach hurts so bad and nothing will really satisfy it. They are exhausted and need to rest. Their head may hurt; their eyes maybe sensitive to light, and ears sensitive to noise. When someone is sick they can not think as clearly, their brain feels numb and words may feel garbled when they try to speak. When they have the flu, the person tends to stay home, not socialize, and not feel like talking.  And they may want to cuddle up with a blanket and stare at the walls or the Television. 

These are "some" of the same symptoms that I deal with regarding fibromyalgia. I have lack of energy; my bones and whole body aches. I have food, medicine, and other sensitivities. There are times I can't pick myself up off the chair or floor.  The pain is so bad yet I know that I have to keep moving so I make myself stretch, exercise, or walk around to get my body from not becoming stiff or in more pain. Eating certain foods make me sick and I have tried so many medications, herbs, and supplements, and natural remedies but have had so many bad reactions to them so I can only do so much.  I do not take medication for Fibromyalgia because of the bad symptoms I have endured with taking those meds. (Some people with fibro can function more because they can take the meds for fibro). Also the exhaustion is tremendous but with fibro it's hard to get a good night sleep and get refreshed. When trying to speak, that's a different story. What you may call brain fog, we call "fibro fog," People with fibro have a hard time to remember things, think clearly, and words and sentences are twisted in our head before we try to speak. 

I have learned to live with fibromyalgia. I deal with the daily symptoms, yet if I complain about the pain, it's because it's worse than the day to day pain I endure that I have grown accustomed to.  When I smile, it may be because I am pushing through how I really feel; I made it out of the house; I watched America's Funniest Videos to get me out of my slump; I am glad to see you, AND/OR it could be that God gave me a boost of peace and strength. I have to do what I can to keep my mind from going crazy with all this pain. I make sure I am reading my Bible, communicating with God, watching my church live on Sundays, and watch sermons or teachings throughout the week to keep me spiritually in tune with God. I watch funny videos or movies and try to find the things to laugh about through my circumstances to keep my spirits up.  I try to keep in contact with at least three people a day to keep me connected with people.  Plus I work on my artwork, creative writings and lead an online fibromyalgia support group ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/fibroBandS/ ) and pain management group ( https://www.facebook.com/teensytidbits ) on facebook to keep me active. This road I live is not easy, but I do what I can to keep going forward.

I have heard so many people with fibro tell others that their friends, co-workers, or families don't understand what they are going through and they think they are lazy, they need to get out more, be more active, lost weight, be more productive, etc... so that they will get better and their fibromyalgia will disappear or minimize...This is not the case.. We are still waiting for a cure.

Just think of the last time you had the flu...How did you feel? Did you still do everything you did before you were sick?  Did you eat the same way, act the same way, and have the same energy? When you had the flu, were you exercising a lot, eating meat and potatoes, going out to concerts, or did you call off of work for a sick day, eating soup, and curl up on the couch or hug a toilet? lol

Please be more patient and understanding of people who deal with fibromyalgia....they deal with more than you ever now....They need your encouragement, love, and strength.

Please share this with everyone you know so they can understand fibro better.

HaPpY nEw YeAr*

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014...
I hope you have a wonderful year...Keep your chin up and keep moving forward.
Pain is hard to deal with it at times, make sure you have a support group of people, like friends, family, or even doctors to help you manage your pain.

Cheer Up*

Do you ever feel like you are going through hard times? Does it seem like it's just one bad thing after the other?


"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 NIV

I know it can be hard to be joyful when you deal with a bunch of trials and tribulations.  Sometimes things get me down...yet at other times, when I have things happen, I just have to laugh, chuckle, or hangout with people who help me laugh...It's not good to be away from everyone when one is dealing with a lot of hardship.  People are surprised what I deal with on a daily basis because I laugh.  I have learned to find things to laugh about.  

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and 
the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in 
any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

Learn from what you deal with. If you have a lot of hardships, try to encourage other people 
with what you have learned from all that you have gone through.  and Remember to lean on 
God through it all.

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had 
to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that the proven 
genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though 
refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see 
him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 
for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls."  
1 Peter 1:6-9 NIV

We grow from hardships.  Our faith grows, wisdom grows, and we spiritually 
mature.  Remember to persevere, persevere, and better yet, persevere... 
and be joyful.

Are you content?*

What makes you happy, content, and joyful? People always say the grass looks greener on the other
side. Why is that? Why do we tend to want things that we don't have? Or if we are single, we want to be married...if we are married, we want to be single...if we have short, straight hair, we want long, curly hair? Why are we like that???

What is contentment? It is a state of happiness and satisfaction (www.google.com).Are you content in this life? Or are you miserable in wanting so much more of what you don't have? I have learned to be content in the circumstances that I have gained. Yes, even now there are times, that I deeply desire that I was healed of all these ailments, or wish I had  a husband or child.  Yet I have learned to be content.  I used to be so frustrated with God that I wanted to get married or be pain free, that it actually was eating up at my heart and mind.  I had to learn and grow in God with what was given to me in this life.  I had to realize that for some reason in the past, I have had to endure many hardships.  I didn't like going through it, but I had to endure them to help me be who I am today.  I know that God can take away all my pains in just a blink of an eye, but I also know that He has us go through things to help grow us spiritually far more than we can ever comprehend.

Learn to be content

Cloud Therapy* (in Memory of Debbie Hodson)*

Cloud Therapy. 

There is something about looking up into the sky and seeing white, puffy clouds.  It is very relaxing and peaceful.  My dear friend, the late Debbie Hodson, loved to talk about looking up into the clouds and thinking about God's great love.  In 2008, when she was going through chemo therapy due to cancer, I made her a fleece blanket.  It was sky blue with white puffy clouds all over it.  I have been wanting to make more of them but for some reason I cannot find that same material in the stores that used to sell them.  I guess I should have listened to my mom and bought that material when we had that idea several years ago.  

I miss Debbie and I am still reminded of God's love when I look into the clouds. I imagine that she is having the time of her life as she is totally in God's presence without any pain... I wrote this poem in honor of her:

When the pain is so great and times are so tough

and you don't think you can make it, because life is so rough,

Look up into the clouds, high in the sky

as they are sitting still or passing by.

When the clouds are pure and inviting and are white as a dove

they are a small reminder of God's great and awesome love.

When it is overcast and the clouds seem, oh so gray

remember God isn't leaving; He is here to stay.

When all the clouds seem to have disappeared and want to hide

Remember if you do not see God, He is still always at your side.

so if you are having a sad moment or some major uncertainty

Lift your chin up, look up at the clouds, and remember God's cloud therapy.

I originally wrote this poem on February 18, 2009. Also the picture of the dove is a copy of the oil painting I painted in 2011 called "The Holy Spirit is our Comforter." The original painting is displayed at the Loma Linda Children's Hospital in Loma Linda, CA. It is in the children's cancer ward (infusion room). With a help of a friend, we donated it to inspire children who are going through cancer treatments and for their parents who need encouragement too.

God's Beautiful Masterpiece*

I have one of my grandmother’s paintings handed down to me from my mother. I have had it for many years and recently noticed a yellow film coating the painting. A friend of mine told me how to restore the painting by using cotton balls, dish soap and water.

As I gently cleaned the delicate picture, I began to see beautiful bright colors come from the flowers that surrounded the bird. The vibrant colors of pink, yellow, blue, and green popped out as though I had just painted it myself. As the first layer of yellow film began to disappear, I noticed the strokes of the paintbrush embedded in the paint. I traced them with my finger and wondered what she was thinking and how was her life at the moment she painted this beautiful picture. What was on her mind the moment she stroked the brush against the canvas?

The original painting was so much more vibrant when the yellow coating was cleaned up. I had to let it dry completely before I am able to take the 2nd layer of the yellow film off. I guess you can say that it’s a process to clean an old and delicate picture.

The process of cleaning the picture reminds me of how God is with us. Every one of us is His original paintings. He brushed each stroke of our body and our lives; we are in the palm of His hands.

We were born into sin and this sin has put an ugly film over us which makes it hard to see God’s original work. When we acknowledge and accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, He completely cleans off the yellow film of sin from us and we begin to see God’s masterpiece.

Even when we are Christians, sin sometimes builds up. We have to continually go to Jesus Christ for him to cleanse us and make us more beautiful, God's beautiful masterpiece.

How Does God Answer Prayers?*

Jesus Christ knew what He came down on earth for. He knew in advance what He was going to accomplish, who He would come in contact with, and how His life would end. He knew He would be beaten, mocked, cursed at, ridiculed, and then crucified. Even when He knew what was going to happen, He didn't run away or hide. Jesus Christ kept doing what He was supposed to do; He obeyed His Father and did His will.

Jesus spent a lot of time with the 12 disciples whom He mentored. He didn't rub it in their face and say, "Because all of the bad things you and everyone in the world has done, I have to be crucified and go through a lot of anguish..." No he didn't say that. He didn't even throw a pity party and say, "woe is me." He felt total compassion for them and the generations to come, which includes you and I.

Jesus brought the disciples with Him to Gethsemane and asked them to sit while He walked away from them to pray; He had Peter, James, and John go with Him. I think He chose those three to go with them for support and He just needed His close friends by Him. Remember this Jesus (who is also God) is in human form when He was on this earth. He felt pain and emotions just like you and I do.

Suddenly the weight of this heavy burden was on His shoulders; He began to be sorrowful and troubled and told them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death; stay here and keep watch with me."

When He was in the garden praying, He fell on His face and cried out to his Father (God). I think he was probably feeling very "alone" at this moment. He cried out,
"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." He not only prayed this once, but three times.

He knew what He was about to go through; I think perhaps He was hoping that His Father would change His mind and not have Him go through the suffering He was about to go through. He knew that God could take this from Him in an instant. He had seen people healed of leprosy, others raised from the dead, and even demons being cast out of people. So why did His Father, God, not answer His prayer the way He wanted it to be answered? Why was this time different? Surely God could change His mind; surely God could find another way to take away the sins of the world. But God knew best.


As Jesus prayed and felt so heavy and burdened down, an angel came to Him and strengthened Him. There are so many times in our own lives when we are going through tough times, that God may send an angel to help us or strengthen us.

Jesus was in so much anguish about what He was going to do that while He prayed, His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. He was basically in turmoil. He prayed again: "Not my Will, but Yours." He had put His feelings and emotions aside, and told His Father that He would go through with it because He knew it's what His Father wanted Him to do.

I can imagine that maybe Jesus' mother quietly begged God, "God, please don't let Jesus die; don't let my baby go through pain or sorrow. You know He has served you wholeheartedly; He was a good boy and has grown up to be a godly man. Please take this from Him. Please God, Please." And why wasn't her prayer answered? Have you ever prayed that kind of prayer for someone you loved who was going through cancer, who was on their death bed, or who has diabetes, or some other illness. Why doesn't God answer the prayer? (Why doesn't He do what "I" think is best?) Hmmm.

I am in a growing time in my life; a time where I am learning more about God and how He answers prayer. I've always prayed a certain way when it came to praying for people. I've had faith to see people healed and a lot have not been healed, including myself. I've had faith to have a lot of prayer requests answered, my way, but a lot did not happen. I have always heard that God answers prayers by "Yes, No, or Maybe". I didn't totally understand that, until now. See, I am a person who wants to see others healed, blessed, and loved. I want to see great things happen, and not bad. I want God to answer all the prayer needs the way I think they should be, but guess what? He doesn't. But, Why? Because we don't know the outcome. We don't know that if our friend dies of cancer, than maybe her family will draw closer to God, or if a person loses their house, they possibly need to learn how to trust God more, or if a person has an injury, that even though they will be suffering physically, they will draw closer to God. See, we don't know the outcome...but God does...He knows what is best.

So when you pray: even though you are praying with all your might that your need will be met, and even though you have so much anguish that your sweat becomes blood, remember to pray what you want, but then pray that God's will, will be done. It might be the best thing that has ever happened to that person you are praying for. If God answered (my imagined) prayer of Jesus' mother, that God would not let Jesus die, than we would never have a savior. If the Father, God, answered Jesus' prayer and said, "Okay Jesus, I will not have you die on the cross," we would have no one to cover our sins. So as the old saying goes, "What would Jesus Do? Well, He would say "Father, not my will, but yours."

I know, this is easier said than done, so allow God to speak to your heart as He has mine. This is hard for me too, but I so want to do the will of God, and there are so many times, my will gets in the way.

..If you are praying for me, it's okay to pray for God's will for my life.


Oh by the way, after Jesus died on the cross, He rose again!!! He is ALIVE!!!

References: Matthew 26:36-46, Luke 22:39-46

Pondering about the economy*, clinging more to God*

I just had to write a blog because I feel mostly for my friends who have families and are struggling way more than I. People are losing their jobs by either getting laid-off or being fired if they don't resign. I know so many people who have lost their jobs within the last year and it seems like it's getting worse.
Everyone is even dealing with the shock of the cost of living rising. I went shopping the other day and was shocked as the prices keep climbing. I usually have to buy the costly $3.00 whole wheat bread because it's better for me; but now that $3.00 has turned to almost $5.00 now, even the $1.95 toothpaste I used to get has been raised a dollar and forget the fact that I buy 2 different kinds, one regular and one for sensitive teeth. The Sensodyne which is usually costly for me has doubled in price. I found it for $6.00; I decided to wait until I find it cheaper somewhere else. 
When I shop, I have to really focus on, do I really need this item that I am about to buy because I can save that money and it will help the rising grocery bill. Then there are the companies that do the unthinkable and decide to raise electric, gas, or water and you can't live without those, so they usually get their money.
The city I live in, is looking scarce in some areas because of businesses' closing. People can't afford to pay for the extra expense on the own business, let alone on their house. It saddens me to see this happen because I know with each business that has closed, there are people hurting, and each of those people have families who have to eat, buy what they need, and just survive.

A couple of months ago, when I went to the Post Office, I asked a person there if stamps would go up in price within the next few months, They reassured me that it would not happen. On the news yesterday,I heard that stamps will go up 2 more cents to equal .44 cents. I know that it is just a few cents, but those cents add up. I decided from that point on, to buy the forever stamps only because even if I bought the forever stamp at .40 cents, I can use it now for the .42 cent stamp and I don't have to add any more postage. Well, you might want to buy more stamps because in May, stamps will be raised to .44 cents. Not only is the economy in the United States not doing well, they announce that California is in a financial crisis. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing all he can to cut the financial problems. He even said he may cut the unemployment payments or put it on hold for awhile. I can not imagine how my friends who were laid-off from their jobs because of the economy, and now won't be able to afford to eat if their unemployment is cut. There are so many people looking for jobs, yet there is not jobs to be found. I did find one job at a place near my doctor named YESCO. Check it online to see what it is. 
I have another friend who had to foreclose on their house and when the White House promised that bailout money would go to banks to help people who lost their homes, the bank would not help my friends. It is a devastated time for them and are trying to make the best of it. Their family of four had to move in with a relative and that has happened to several of my friends. It not only reminds me of the "end times," it also reminds me of the Bible days when there was a great famine in Egypt and people could not even afford to eat. They had to sell their homes and land in exchange for food from Pharoah. (Genesis chapters 41-42 and chapter 47:20-26). I often wonder if something like that will happen here. I wonder if because people can't afford their homes, they can't find jobs, and they can't afford food, etc... Will we get to the point where we are so desperate for food and survival that we would sell our items to the government in exchange for food . 
"Joseph said to the people, 'Now that I have bought you and your land today for Pharoah, here is seed for you so you can plant the ground...'" (Nothing may happen at all; I just keep thinking about the Bible during those hard times for those people in surrounding areas near Egypt.)

I want to encourage you to look to God during this very crucial time in the United States. It is easy to worry about everything, but try to remember God sees all and knows all; he is greater than the government or the economy.

hello*

hello. I just wanted to say God loves you...

Rest In God's Arms*

Yesterday, I woke up with one of those migraines that feels like your head is going to explode. I was debating if I should make plans to go to a sweet lady's funeral for the next day, but the more my friend and I talked about it, I realized I needed to care of my health and rest. So I took a half of a muscle relaxer just to relax the tension in my body and head. Boy, I slept good, but then after 12 hours in bed, I thought I might get up to eat, but every time I looked at the ceiling it was crawling and making strange designs due to the migraine I had. It looked like the ceiling was trying to tell me something.  I covered my head and layed back in bed as I prayed and actually thanked God that my head didn't feel like it would explode. 

Sometimes we want to do things that we aren't able to do because there are those times in our life where we just need to rest and pray and that is OKAY. I want to get better so I am able to go to church on Sunday... I noticed that the last month, the more I take care of myself and force myself to rest, the more I am able to go to the place I love, my church.

We had a guest speaker this Sunday. He spoke about moving forward and doing things that seem impossible, but to God they are possible. He even said that if God can take care of Moses and his people, then he can take care of our North Hills (my church). {Remember God led Moses and maybe a million people out of Egypt. They even crossed the impossible, the Red Sea, or was it a lake, or was it the dead sea. Oh, I don't know it was bigger than the toilet and smaller than the ocean. No, I know it wasn't the dead sea.- Sorry, my headache is in the way of my thought process.} Well they crossed it while soldiers were trying to attack them and make them come back...funny thing is, the soldiers ended up drowning and dying in the sea... while the tons of people crossed it in ONE day. That was a miracle in God's plan. God wanted the Israelites to go through trials so that God would show more of Himself, His Love, His protection, His Plan...then he would help his people out of Egypt. Anyway, they crossed the impossible.
Things to remember from the sermon:
1) God chooses us to walk through trials, not around them, to help us out of the trial.
2) God is in control of everything.
3) Satan is always there to deter you and your thoughts away from God. He will make you think God doesn't care about you or where you are at.
4) God can deliver us in a moment's notice.

You may feel down, blue, depressed, lonely, unloved, unhealthy, unrestful, sick, unhappy, frustrated, weak, etc...

God is hear to say:
1) I will give you rest
2) I love you
3) I will correct your steps
4) You can do all things through Christ
5) I haven't given you fear, but of a sound mind.
(these were my notes taken from the sermon)

Rest in GOD'S ARMS