My Usual Doctor's Appointments*

Sometimes it just feels good for me to write things out; it is very therapeutic. So here it goes:

The questions you may be tired of answering at the doctor's office and how sometimes you may want to reply but don't because you are too polite.

My sarcastic appointments:


Name? on chart
Medical #? on chart
Age? I am a month older than the last time you asked.
Weight? 110 lbs. (give or take on a lot of factors)
Sex? None of your business (lol) Female/Male? If you can't tell that I am female, you really are the one who needs the doctor
Pulse? yes
Height? Still 5ft (haven't changed since the last time you asked)

Procedures? Read attached medical file
Surgeries? Minor surgery, had 4 teeth pulled out at once
When did you have your last period? Excuse me, that is my business.
Are you Sexually Active? No
Are you pregnant? No, I just said I am not sexually active
Are you sure you are not pregnant? Yes
How sure are you that you are not pregnant? I am a 100% sure
Hmmm? You are kidding me, right?

Are you on any Medications? Yes, remember all the ones you prescribed. Actually, please read attached list
Why are you here? Because I am in excruciating pain everywhere.
Are you in any Pain? Yes, Everywhere
Where abouts is your pain? I just said, it's everywhere
Would you say your pain is all over your body? yes
On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain? It's a 10.
Where is this pain that is at a 10? everywhere.
What does your pain feel like? It's excruciating.
So would you say your pain is discomforting? No, I said it is excruciating.
So would you say it is throbbing, sharp, or dull? Who cares; it hurts!
Any sudden bowel changes? None ya business. Do I talk to you about your bowel movements?
Any other medical conditions? Yes, read attached medical resume.
Do you see any other specialists? Yes, the ones the doctor referred me to. Hello are you losing your mind? Please read attached medical resume.
When did you have your last blood work done? The info is in the chart you are holding.

Then the doctor comes in and asks:
"What can I do for you today?"

uggghh

A Chuckle with God*

So I am up this morning and it's 3:30 am. I have been awake for about half an hour without sleep. (Yes,I am using up a "spoon" already. If you don't understand, request last post). As I hobble to use the restroom, I look up at my wall and read a mini silver plague that I put on my wall. It's actually a Christmas ornament that I bought a week ago at Walmart for 75% percent off. Hey, that's a bargain: it was only 74 cents, so that was a gift, in itself. Woohoo!!!

The mini plague says:

"Trust - We know and rely on the love God has for us John 4:16."

I decided to look up the scripture. I know I have heard that saying before, but I wanted to make sure it was scriptural. As an adult, I realized a lot of things I thought was in the Bible, were just sayings people had said.

I look up John 4:16. It says, "He told her,'Go, call your husband and come back.'" I just laughed. So many people had that ornament hanging on their tree and thinking that the relying on God verse was John 4:16. I just laughed. Still chuckling. too funny. lol.

It also reminded me of several years ago, when my niece Jennifer was little. We were in my room and she wanted me to read a verse from the Bible. I asked her which one did she want me to read. We decided to play a game; she would point to a verse, and I would read it. The first verse we came upon was John 4:16. I think in a different translation it said, "Go get your husband." We both just laughed. Knowing that I am not married and her and I wanted that dream to be fulfilled one day, we just roared in laughter. It was a memory that I will cherish with my niece.

To continue with the ornament verse, I had to find out where that verse was. I looked up 1 John 4:16:

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."  

So the quote on my ornament was in the book of "First John" and not the gospel book of "John"....too funny

I might have got up early due to insomnia, but I had a chuckle with God this morning. Thank you God...

The Spoon Theory*

Yesterday, I wrote about how frustrated I have been so I did some physical activities the past two days to help me let go of the frustration. (Some of my friends said how great it was to be physically active and how I need to do more of it. Yet little do they know when a person has just one major illness it causes extreme pain, it probably is hard to get out of bed and face each morning. Not because of depression, but because one can barely move due to pain. Yet I am not that person who has just one illness).

This is Day 3, recovering from past few days: pain was so great, had a hard time getting up, let alone move my body. Waited to eat, because it took much strength to get up and get in gear. Stayed in my pj's because just moving was an accomplishment in itself. Took two naps after two hours of being awake. Had to have hot packs on my back for when I bent over, pain shot everywhere. So hot packs on neck and shoulders felt as good as the one on my back. This is just a glimpse of my day for I don't want you to read about my whole day but about this spoon theory which I read about a few minutes ago.

I didn't write the spoon theory nor do I have lupus, but I totally understand it and use the spoon theory in my personal life. If you want to know more about me or a close loved one who has some kind of pain, illness, or disability, please read it. I pray you begin to understand what we go through.

(Note: I am sending this blog to give awareness of what some people have to deal with daily.
I ask that you click on the link and read about the Spoon Theory.

The Spoon Theory:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Another Day, Another Blog*

Do you ever feel frustrated? Well I have been a bit frustrated with things that are in my life, yet out of my control. Sometimes certain circumstances happen, and you can't do anything about them except maybe pray. I seem to always flunk the test of my emotions when bad circumstances happen and I can't seem to shake it off.

Yesterday I felt I better do some active physical work or I am going to explode. I didn't know anyone who would want to pick up my pieces if I exploded, so I thought I better act fast. I went outside just to water my plants, but then I decided to rake the leaves in my front yard. Hey, I could have thought that I don't have to do this because it's not my house; I just rent a room and my room mate usually hires someone to do her yard work, so he could do it. Yet I didn't do this for my roomie; I did this for me and a feeling that God wanted me to do it.

I joyfully grabbed a rake and made some piles of leaves. Yes, It had to be God in on it, because me picking up a rake is not usually a joyful thing. Wow, I began to realize that I hadn't raked leaves since my family was in the Air Force in 1988. After my family left Texas, I mostly lived in Apartments from then on, except for my last roomie; and she hired a gardener also.

Anyway, I found it very therapeutic to rake up the leaves and reorganize my many potted plants. As I raked, I felt the tension ease off of my shoulders and seem to have fallen onto the big piles of multicolored leaves. My neighbor across the street was joking with me and said that Hell must have frozen over because I was working in the yard. I told him that IT DID. LOL -I can smile about it.

I knew that this little project I was working on wouldn't make anybody happy except for myself and that is all that mattered. As I moved the leaves, I began to see new green grass. That little carpet of grass made me smile and I guess the dogs forgot there was grass, because when they saw it, they began to enjoy it. I am glad that God was the creator of things. Because just moving the leaves to the side had uncovered the beautiful, fresh baby grass that was underneath. Just a hint of grass made me think about how God is always there. Even in the things that we don't understand, he is always there. When life throws punches, he is always there. When people are hurtful or circumstances aren't so great, he is always there.

I knew that the energy and strength it took for my weakened muscles would knock me for a loop and increase my fibro symptoms, if I did the raking, but I didn't care because it was a chance to feel God's love at work. Who would have known that raking leaves would make me feel more loved by God?


Then today I noticed I was feeling frustrated again. I thought, "I have got to get this out of my system." Yesterday's physical labor was therapeutic for me, and today I need it again. I decided to take a long walk.

As I walked to the freeway and back,I remembered the days when I was a wee little one, much smaller than I am now. There was nothing to be concerned about. It was an adventure in those days. I didn't have a care in the world, I just ate, slept, went to school, and played and played and played. Life was good, well as good as I thought it could be. I even thought that the abuse I experienced was how it was supposed to be, so everything was as good as I thought it could be. I didn't know any different.

I didn't have to worry or be concerned about paying bills, having a place to live, deciding who to vote for during campaigns, didn't have to think about jobs or illnesses or health care. I lived my life in a carefree way and my little life was dependent on my parents, their love, their care for my food, clothes, and shelter. They dressed me they way they wanted, I ate what they wanted, I lived where they lived, I went where they went.

God knows me; he seems to help me through many things that don't seem quite fair or that do not make sense. Like being in "too much pain" to not be accepted into the Chronic Pain Clinic, or being the hardest patient to many doctors because of the many chronic and silent illnesses I have, or being denied "low income housing" because of not making enough money. I don't understand all the crazy or disappointing things in my life, yet I know God does and he allows us to go through them. I almost always learn something from the circumstances in my life, yet I do not always like it, that's for sure and I do not learn fast.

I used to take many things for granted. Like just waking up and moving forward through out the day or walking in a straight line (I hope I never have to do the drunk driving test. First of all I don't drink, and 2nd I can't walk in a straight line. how do you spell vertigo? lol, oh yah, being with out a car needs to be presented too). Then there's that thing called thinking clearly. I took for granted the knowledge I could retain before I was knocked in the head 15 yrs ago. Getting up and feeling well enough to walk and get ready for church, is another. I never thought in all my years, that I would be in a position where pain was too great to get up. I took all those minor childhood to 20- somethings pains for granted, if that's possible.

Before I was ill many years ago, I didn't think about how I would get anywhere, I just went. I didn't think about the consequences of eating certain food, I ate everything (yes, even ask my family. I ate everything except seafood. I was the "Mikey of the house.") Things are different, the world spins faster, and time is challenging. Circumstances come, Circumstances go, and you learn from them. May God help us all.