Saying Goodbye*

I am saying goodbye to the American dream I once dreamed. The one where you have a husband, 2.3 kids, a home. The dream where you are a full-time mommy or have a full time job out of the house (or both). The American dream where you have enough finances to take care of your family, a vehicle, the housing expenses, and whatever else life throws at you. I am saying goodbye to good health and to wellness. This is the American Dream I have never experienced, and may never will. I am not saying goodbye to the fact it may never happen. I am saying goodbye for the losses in my life that I never knew in my past and I am opening the doors to new opportunities.

I say goodbye to my precious children I thought I would have many years ago. I say good bye to your laughter, the changing of your diapers, to the sleepless nights of hearing you cry for food or to be held. I say goodbye to bringing my newborn baby home with me. I say goodbye to seeing you as a baby grow into the toddler years. I say goodbye to watching you as you have your hands into everything, like the pots and pans you discovered in the lower cabinet. I say good bye to your giggles, to the new discoveries you would have found, and to all the endless hours I would have spent teaching you about life and God.

I say goodbye to the tears in your eyes that I would have wiped away or to the scrapes and cuts I would have kissed. I say goodbye to your tearful first day of school to your day of graduation. I say good bye to your accomplishments, talents, and fun you would have had.

I say goodbye to your teenage years. I say goodbye to the nights I would have felt your heartache of your broken relationships that you would have encountered. I say goodbye to helping with your homework night after night and also say goodbye to the times I would have had to discipline you. I say goodbye, my dear children for the love I would have given you and the love you would give me in return.

I say good bye to your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your frustrations, your sadness, and your excitements, my dear little ones, that you would have experienced. I say goodbye to you my dear children.

I say goodbye to the husband of my younger years. I say goodbye to the wedding I thought I would plan and even to the honeymoon you might have planned. I say goodbye to the times we would get to know each other and I say goodbye to even the frustrations of marriage. I say goodbye to the countless years we would have spent together loving each other and worshipping God together. I say goodbye to the arguments, joys, disappointments, excitements, and the frustrations we would have experienced together over and over again. I say goodbye to you as a godly father to my children and a godly husband to me. I say goodbye to your love, your friendship, and to the nights you would have slept by my side. I say goodbye to the times you would be at work when I wished you were at home and I say goodbye to the times you were at home and I wished you were at work. I say goodbye to our love. I say goodbye, my dear husband.

I say goodbye to good health. I say goodbye to all the years I would have not spent at the doctors office. I say goodbye to energy, pain free days, great health, and wellness. I say goodbye to feeling well, vibrant, and healthy. I say goodbye to good health.

As I have written my goodbyes, I say hello to more opportunities that God will give me and I will experience. I had to say goodbye to the American Dream that has made me sorrowful for many years of not experiencing it. I say goodbye to the American dream that people have lived if they liked it or not. I say goodbye. I look forward to the things in life that may change my life forever. I look forward to the time of spending more time with God. I look forward to the hopes and new dreams that God puts on my heart. I look forward...