In September of 2019 I tried to commit suicide and ended up on the floor of the hospital.
For a long time, I wanted to stop the physical and mental suffering I was going through.
Also a guy at my church who had been manipulating me for months, didn't help. When we became friends, I started seeing red flags yet I felt God wanted me to help him. We were even going to go on some dates, but he never showed up and he told me to never contact him again. I was crushed.
Note: Please be aware that people who are chronically ill are sometimes more vulnerable to manipulative and pathological liars.
That was the last straw for me. Why was this world so cruel? Why was I suffering since the age of 17 (34 now)?
Because of the emptiness I felt inside due to the hurts I went through, I took every pill in the kitchen and it was no mistake God still wanted me here. I survived.
Let me warn, if you're thinking about doing this, remember the doctors will take away all your medication in the hospital if you try to commit suicide. The doctors will ignore your chronic illness and treat you like a psych patient which is where I ended up next, the psych unit.
In the psych hospital, God starting touching my heart. I ended up meeting people and we all talked about God most of the time. We did music therapy, karaoke, and I was even asked to sing Lauren Daigle's song "You Say" which touched my heart and I cried.
I knew this was part of my purpose, to reach people with music even in the hospital. When I went home, it took me months to recover. I was so distraught, yet God turned my anger into feeling sorry for this person that continually manipulated me. God gave me supernatural, unexplainable peace for 3 days. Thankfully, I could finally sleep. It was definitely a supernatural feeling from God.
From there I had to drag myself from the bottom of the well and rise up. Thankfully I had help due to God helping me.
Ever since then, good things are happening for me. I entered a photography contest online and won, and I was featured in a national fine arts gallery. Plus I sold some photos. I've been writing songs like crazy and sharing them with people. Even a magazine called "She shreds" is even thinking about using me for a piece about chronically ill musicians.
My nurse practitioner and hematologist are actually discovering what could be the root cause of my illness. They say I need a bone marrow biopsy to confirm it. I have to wait for the biopsy to see what happens
God is using me through all that I have gone through. Recently I went onto a local campus with college students from Georgia, and ministered to them. I lead two people to the Lord and they accepted Christ.
I realized that all the life experiences we go through, can and will be used to help others, if you let it.
I wrote songs in the hospital about what happened and here's a link to one of them.
https://youtu.be/sxV5njGnxqw
(Used by permission through contact from Christiana Fletcher on Facebook and Messenger 3/16/2020
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