Psalms 23

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

***my interpretation***
The Lord is my king and guide. I will enjoy goodness all of my life. 
He makes me rest and be secured in a flourishing life.

He leads me to a resting place. 
He revives me and restores my soul; He guides me to his will to bring       honor to his name.

Even when I walk through difficult times that seems too hard to bear, I   will not fear evil for you are always with me; your guidance, correction, protection, and support, reassures me.

You provide for me even in the presence of my enemies;  you anoint my head with oil as an honored guest; my blessings overflow.

Blessings of goodness and love will pursue me all of my life,
And I will live in God presence forever. (Hallelujah!!!)

Affliction, AND Patience?

" LOVE must be sincere. HATE what is evil; CLING to what is good. BE DEVOTED to one another in love. HONOR one another above yourselves.  NEVER BE LACKING IN ZEAL but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. BE JOYFUL in hope, PATIENT in affliction, FAITHFUL in prayer.  SHARE with the Lord’s people who are in need. PRACTICE hospitality."

Romans 12:9-13

As I was reading this passage during my devotions for my church, I noticed that it says to be PATIENT IN AFFLICTION. Wow, that just sounds difficult. Not only do we deal with the affliction but we have to be patient in it too. Maybe we should be asking God for even more strength because patience can be hard work. I know I have to continually work at patience;  it doesn't come naturally for me.

Affliction alone can be time consuming, painful, exhausting....now add patience to it. It will either break us or make us into a better person. I think taking time to relax, breathe deeper, think of the other person first, prioritize what's important in life, and not be so rushed, may help us be more patient in our days. (I am speaking to myself as well).
May we strive to be patient in painful circumstances and/or when dealing with pain in our own body.

In the scripture above, it says:  "...but keep your spiritual  favor..."

Keep your spiritual intense, passionate feeling. Keep yourself in tune with God and don't be afraid to have a deep intimate connection with him where he knows all of your deep desires and where He can show you what He desires for you.

Living for God is a life long journey, thankfully it gets easier when we reach heaven.

There are Good Doctors

Kudos to my eye Dr today. As I signed in for my eye exam, the receptionist said that my benefits for my eye glasses won't be available until September (and today is only February).

Instead of wasting my money on my eye appointment, I canceled it and decided to come back in September. Well my ophthalmologist, who I have had for years, called my name. When I told him what happened, he knelt down beside me and asked if my eyes were ok.

He acknowledged that I have major eye problems and wanted to make sure that there weren't any new eye problems. (He knows of the floaters, the shadows, the optic atropy, and all the other eye problems I have, including that when I see things that it's like looking through a sheer curtain.  The doctors are baffled in this area and don't know how to fix it.  We discussed about how I had been tested by one of the best Kaiser eye specialists in southern California and they can't find anything wrong).

After we discussed that there's no cure for my eyes, he gave me a big smile and said that I was a special person. As I laughed, I told him that I know because that is what all my doctors say to me with all the great health issues I have.

This ophthalmologist made my day and I told him how grateful I was for taking the time to talk to me.  He could have just walked away when I canceled my appt, but he didn't. He truly showed me that he cared.

Thank you, God, for people who go out of their way, especially for people like me, who are "special." 

Pets are Great Companions

There is just something about hearing a purring cat or watching a dog's  tail wag that can put a smile on a person's face. Some even like to be licked in the face; but not I.
Petting our furry friends can lift our spirits. They tend to do funny things that makes us crack a smile.  I am a lover of those funny cat videos. I tend to watch them if I'm down or sad, at times. They will lift me up and make me want to laugh or smile.
There are even organizations who take therapy dogs into nursing homes to help cheer up the residents.

When a person doesn't have children, like myself, an animal can be more than just a pet. It becomes a baby, a fur baby. My cat, Buttons, who I had to put down a few months ago due to his failing health, was my baby. Then after he died, my place seemed so empty. I have stuff in my home like electronics,  books, art supplies to do my hobbies, etc...but it wasn't the same without Buttons.

It's been three months without him and I miss the little things he used to do like laying on the remote controls when I wanted to change the channel. Also he would lay on my cell phone when it were ringing. Sometimes I would miss a call from a friend because I couldn't get him off of the cell phone. I miss him on my Bible as I tried to turn the page and couldn't because he was laying on it. I also miss his different ways of saying meow.  He would say "magow" instead,  when he wanted something.  I miss that friend and companion, even though he was an animal.

I think pet companions are important especially for people who have physical pain. Soon, I will be adopting another furry friend who will become my fur baby. I can not wait for that day when I  will have another pet companion to fill my home.

I have Survived Much.

Life can sure have distasteful adventures at times. The last four months have been one fast roller coaster ride I wanted to get off of.  In October of 2015, I ended up going to urgent care because part of my leg went paralyzed. Turns out it was from major anxiety due to some stressful family situation that I was not handling properly in my life. I had no idea that my body could actually become paralyzed due to stress. I knew that anxiety is also a symptom of fibromyalgia, but I never wanted to admit it...I have to use techniques to lower the anxiety.

 

Also, I ended up gaining weight and having all sorts of new health issues and symptoms, due to the lovely gifts that I was presented with, due to my age.  And that wonderful doctor said I have abnormal perimenopause. Wow. When I deal with new health issues, it seems to always be abnormal for some reason. Doctors have told me that it might be because I have Fibromyalgia.  I should know better; why would this be any different? I ended up having to replace all of my clothes because nothing fit anymore.  I have been fortunate all my life and never have had to deal with gaining weight until now.  It's all because of, oh, what's it called again? Oh yes, perimenopause. Oh and I never knew what a true hot flash felt like until recently. Wow what a new adventure I'm having.....but I'll spare you the details on that subject. I know this article may be long, but please read it to the end.

 

For a year, I had to spoon feed my precious fur baby Buttons because he was acting like he couldn't see the food that was in his bowl. Yet when I put the food up to his mouth he would devour it like he was starving. I rearranged my schedule to always spoon feed him and make sure I had a cat sitter, if I wasn't home.  I even had to put a bowl of water up to his face for him to drink more. I knew he was getting older and was a ripe old age of 96 years, which is 20 years in human years, so I had to keep an eye on him.

 

In November, I was scheduled with an exterminator to spray my apartment. Dealing with fibromyalgia and other health issues, I had to try to pace myself as it took me three days to pack everything up and put a sheet over it all.  After they sprayed the kitchen, I had to spend another three days to unpack everything and put it all away. It took me a few days to recuperate. That weekend, the gas company came to check the gas pilot on my heater. They said it was producing carbon monoxide so they shut it off and red tagged my heater. Then the apartment office personnel had to get an outside company to install a new heater. I thought everything was great until I kept smelling gas from the new heater. I called the gas company again. The gas man said that whomever installed the heater, put in the wrong gas valve. They put in one for the "propane tank" instead of a regular gas valve. He red tagged my heater again after shutting it off. This time the supervisor of the company came to replace the gas valve to the proper one to make sure it was done right. I wanted to make sure it was accurate so the gas company tech came a third time and approved it.

 

Then I noticed Buttons wasn't eating or drinking enough. I thought maybe it had to do with the exterminator or the gas leak, although I did take him out of my apartment for both incidents.  After a vet visit, I found out that he had chronic kidney disease, his kidneys and liver were shutting down, plus his bone marrow was suppressed, amongst other things. I ended up having to put him down because I didn't want him to suffer any more. That was very hard because I love him so much.  He was my fur baby and pet companion. He was the one that was near me when I was in intense pain and comforted me often. He left a paw print on my heart. (After he died, I wanted to give myself a chance to grieve before getting another pet companion even though a couple of my friends wanted to give me a cat. I was grieving lots and couldn't think of having another pet at the moment).

 

On December 2, there was a terrorist attack that was in a nearby city. I was supposed to go to two doctor appts that day, but fear gripped me so much that I didn't want to leave my place. I couldn't go near the horrendous incident, although, I did make myself go for a walk the next day. Three days later,  I was grieving from losing Buttons and had anxiety over the massive shooting, so I thought I should adopt a cat to help calm me down. I have always wanted to adopt a cat from the animal shelter. When I was there, this loving cat who I named Gracie kept purring when I held her. That's when Gracie, my new pet companion, entered my life. She helped ease the fear and anxiety I was having and gave me something to keep me busy.

 

I didn't realize it until later, but I was itching all over my body since I got Gracie. Turns out she was diagnosed with sarcoptic mange, intestinal parasites, respiratory infection, and more....plus ringworm later. So guess what?  What I thought were flea bites on me, were actually scabies that I got from the cat. Gracie had to be isolated and we both had to be treated, including my whole apartment. I had to put everything in plastic bags for a week to ten days. After going to the doctor due to 2 spots that didn't heal from the scabies, I found out I also had ringworm due to the cat.  What a mess!!

 

During that time, the bank contacted me due to a fraudulent charge so I had to get a new credit card and they put my account on hold for a week. Thankfully I already did my Christmas shopping. When I was getting over all of this, we ended up having a major gas leak in my apartment on the third floor. My adrenaline took over and I called the gas company and was instructed to have the third level residents evacuated. It was so thick and I have a sensitive system in my body that I had to get fresh air or I was going to pass out. I felt nauseated and lightheaded yet I got Gracie, my cat, to the first floor and then try to tell everyone on my floor to evacuate. It turned out to be one major gas leak in one of my friend's apartments. It's actually a miracle that she is alive.

 

I was trying to fight for Gracie's life that was full of health issues. I knew if we took her back to the animal shelter, she would be put down. I didn't want that to happen, yet I couldn't handle the 5 medications a day, at different times a day, and the cleaning up after her sickness, etc... plus all the care I had to encounter over my own chronic health issues.  It was too much for me to bear; and I was so worn out. I felt bad but I had to give her to someone who could take care of her with all her health issues. And yes, I made sure my friend knew all the health issues and medications that Gracie was on before she took her into her home.

 

I ended up getting treatment for ringworm, had to bleach my bathroom where Gracie was isolated, had to disinfect my whole apartment again, steam cleaned the carpets with tea tree oil to kill all mites and ringworm, and wash all dirty and clean clothes, linens, pillows, throw rugs, jackets, etc.. in tea tree oil. Thankfully a couple of friends helped me at the laundry mat or it would have been even a longer ordeal.

 

I finally have put all my belongings away, reorganized my place, and am getting my life back to normal. I probably have the cleanest, most disinfectant apartment there is.  I am no longer contagious...yay me. I have dealt with a lot but I keep telling myself it could have been worse. I have grown from these losses and crazy happenings in my life. It was not (and is not) easy going through all that I went through but I have had to keep leaning on God through the process. I also learned  that when I was disinfecting my place and washing all the loads of laundry, that it is just "stuff" and do I really need it all?  I ended up letting go of things. I had too much and sometimes it's time to just let things go. (Now I have that song in my head "Let it Go" from the animated  movie Frozen). 

 

I have done a lot of grieving lately. Not only did I have to say goodbye to Buttons, but I have known 12 people and a friend's animal have died in the past two years. I could only get myself to go to a few of the funerals/memorials because it was too much for me. The hardest was having to let my fur baby Buttons go. I still cry because he was very special to me. I have to picture, in my mind, those 12 people and two animals in Heaven. It's what gets me through it, besides God's strength....I am still looking forward to that big reunion in Heaven where I will see them all, face to face again. Boy, I can't wait to go to Heaven; it is going to be one big family reunion, for me. And for the near future, I'm looking forward to getting a pet companion..
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Strengthened by an Angel

Jesus knows what it feels like when friends don't understand the sorrow, loneliness, or anguish you may be feeling.  He also knows what it is like to have the need to be strengthened too.

You may be dealing with some hard times of pain or sorrow, yet realize God hears your cries and prayers.  When Jesus was in deep despair, his friends nor family encouraged him, nor did they quite understand what he dealt with when He was about to endure the crucifixion process.  God sent an angel to strengthen and minister to him while he was on this earth. Even though he was God, he was fully man on this earth and needed extra help.

“...Father (God) if you are willing, take this cup from me (Jesus); yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him."  Luke 22:39-43 (NIV)

"Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him."
Matthew 4:11

May an angel strengthen, minister, and attend to you today.  

Are You Angry at God? Because of Pain?

Are you in intense pain or have a debilitating illness, disease, or even cancer? Did you reach out to God for him to heal you? Are you so angry at God for not taking it away?

You may have reached out, cried, begged, pleaded, demanded for God to take it away, but He didn't. I have been there, where I went through that with God and then I felt guilty for being angry at God. A couple of years ago, someone told me: "its okay to be angry at God. What, you don't think He can handle it?"

God can handle it!  Its okay to be angry and hurt, for a season. The anger is probably derived from hurt.  You might have felt like God didn't care enough about you to heal you or maybe you felt abandoned or alone.  It's possible that the symptoms or pain felt too big to handle. You may be grieving the life you once knew: the good health, being able to juggle family, employment, good health, great social life, volunteering, or anything else that is a part of a normal every day life.

I was injured at work over 20 years ago where a 20 lb box fell on my head. It changed my life. I went from working full time, with great health, was taking classes at a nearby college, attending and volunteering at my church, and going out with my friends all the time, etc...to a life that was the opposite. I was not able to work like I wanted and was going to never-ending doctor's appts because of the tremendous health issues, debilitating pain, and symptoms that accumulated. I couldn't handle being around a lot of everyday sounds because they sounded like sirens blasting in my ears, couldn't go outside a lot because my body temperature changed to being extra sensitive to heat and cold, and my social life plummeted. So my life felt hopeless and useless especially because I wanted to do so much and couldn't. I saw my friends building families, careers, and a life I wanted. I felt so alone, abandoned by God, and I grieved for many years.

My life is not what I wanted it to be but because of all that I went through and still go through, God changed me. I now am able to identify with a lot of people who go through tons of pain, encourage people all over the world through Facebook and the internet. God has given me a desire and talent to be an artist and has given me peace and joy through the pain. It's a distraction from all the health issues I deal with in my body.

God never promised to take us out of the pain, but walk with us, THROUGH it. He knows what you are going through. He has heard your prayers, seen your tears. Something new might be birthed because of the hard times that you go through. You may not see it now, but God may use you THROUGH the pain. It could be a desire to help people build a new organization to meet people's needs, donate time or money to a charity in another country or down the street, write a book, pray for the hurting people, write letters to disabled vets, make quilts for sick children in hospitals, etc....the opportunities are endless.

Remember that when the pain is so hard, sometimes all you can do is look to God for strength. I cling on to Him everyday for His strength. May you do the same.
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Add Comments to my Blog

I have had Blogspot.com since 2007 and it used to allow people to comment with various webpages, their name, or be anonymous. Then within the last few years, they changed it to only allow Google account users to comment on the blog. It took about a year of me researching online to make a broader comment section.  I finally found a simple code that works for now.
<b:include data='post' name='comment-form'/>.After working with it another 3 hours today, it now allows people to comment using:
Google
Live Journal
Wordpress
TypePad
Aim
OpenID
or you can add your own name (and/or website) or even be Anonymous.

I still haven't figured out how to get the google comment section completely off without it not posting all the comments. When I take out the codes for the google comment form, it tells me people have posted but it doesn't show it on the page...So if you know how to do that let me know.
Also I noticed when I view this webpage on my smartphone, it somehow didn't show the comment section, so I had to change it back to the website view.

When making a comment: make sure you are on the full page. You may need to click on the title of the article (or post) so you are on the full page....

In a few seconds, you will then see the comment section a little after the article.

Look where it says: "Post a Comment." 
Type your comment in the box below it, where it states "enter your comment".

Click on the drop box where it says:  "Comment as." Then click on the one that you want to use and it will then direct you from there. Don't forget to click on publish when you are done. Thank you so much.

One exhausted and excited blogger,
yes, that's me.

F.I.B.R.O.M.Y.A.L.G.I.A

Fully

Invisible illness where the

Body feels

Rejected in its on skin on an

Ongoing basis.

Men and women are

Yearning for relief, understanding

And even

Love, so they don't

Give up due to the

Intense pain, horrible symptoms,

And all the struggles of fibro.



Fibromyalgia is real. Don't give up. You can find help through doctors, chronic pain management programs, support groups, counseling, resources, such as, books on fibro and more.

Read more articles on dealing with pain at www.teensytidbits.blogspot.com  

Come to Me

I was calling my cat, Buttons, to come to me.  I called his name several times,  even vocalized some meow words, but he wouldn't come.  As I walked over to him,  I kept thinking,  how stubborn my cat can be.

Then God, with a quiet voice, asked me the same thing. Why don't I come to Him when He calls my name?

Pain is No Respecter of Persons

Pain is no respecter of persons. It knows no boundaries. It plays no favorites. Pain doesn't care about religion, nationality, age, culture, what size or shape you are, or what continent you live on. A person may not have done anything for the Pain to grip their body.

Debilitating chronic pain can make you grieve the life you once had, like employment, more physical abilities, energy and strength; good health, bigger social life, and much more.

A good support team including, family and friends, is vital to the person's emotional well-being, especially at this time.

Pain can attack at any time of your life and may stay for a season or the rest of your life on earth. Some people turn to drugs, alcohol, and even overeating, while others turn to God or some other higher power they look to. Some receive healing from God, yet some don't. When they ask for a healing and haven't received one, some turn away from God because of the intense pain and rejection they feel. Yet little do they know, that God is by their side, holding their hand and going with them, through the pain.

If you are one of these, don't give up...there will come a time when the emotional pain that you deal with, won't be as strong as the physical pain. God does love you and He can give you strength through the pain. Believe me, I know, because I deal with tremendous pain with a roller coaster of symptoms, daily. I know what its like to struggle, and lose the life I once had. I grieved for years over not being able to do what I once could, or be who I used to be. I had to discover the new me. It was very challenging, but through God's love and strength, I conquered it. This isn't the life I requested, but it's the life I have now. I can be more damaging to my emotions or I can make the best of it. For me, I found my purpose is to help encourage others through the pain they endure.

It's okay to grieve your losses, but then find out your purpose in this life. 

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"

Pain verses People who Don't Understand

To all of you who have been hurt by others because of the words they say about your health issues and pain, I apologize on your behalf....

To all of you who have been hurt even by people in church, I apologize on your behalf, as well...

I know this may be a touchy subject, but I think I should talk about it. So many people say things, even in the church, that they think are being helpful and can make a person actually feel awful. 

Try to remember that they are human too, and make mistakes. I know that's easier said, then done.

I have been in chronic pain for over 20 years after a head injury and have gained other major heath issues like Fibromyalgia. I know what it's like to be in a public setting, and even in church, where people have said things to me that brought me to tears.

I have probably heard it all (from people I know): "-If you pray more, you will be healed; -Don't talk about your pain, you are given light to  something negative. -Don't talk negative. -Focus on others who are worse off than you. -If you exercise more, or take this medicine, etc....your pain will be gone. -Don't claim it (your health issues). -You must have some hidden sin in your life. -I am healed of my pain, so you should do what I have done to be healed." Then there is my favorite from a TV evangelist, "if you send $2000, God will heal you." No, I didn't send the money.

Now when I sit back and think about all the things that were hurtful, I can smile. Nowhere in the Bible are any of those listed as a definite healing.  Yes we need to be faithful, yes there is a time and place for talking about our pains or health issues....but just because we aren't healed, doesn't mean we are less of a person, or even less of a Christian.

I have even had a person (who wasn't a close friend) say some of these things listed above, to me, then a year later she was diagnosed with cancer and ended up dying. When she told me she was going through radiation treatment, I so wanted to tell her what she told me: "don't claim it (the cancer)," but I bit my tongue and was respectful.

If there is anyone who has given up on God or the church because of what people said to you about your health condition, please reconsider God's love for you. I don't always understand why He doesn't heal a lot of people like they did in the Bible days. But I do know that God gives me strength each day. He helps me through it and even provides other resources. It took a lot of guidance, counseling, reading books, crying out to God, researching my health issues,  support groups, chronic pain management, and having a support team of friends and mentors to get to where I am today.

It's ok to talk about your pain. It's even ok, if you are not healed. Pray for a healing, but realize God may say no. He may use your pain for something special. I understand the meaning of me not being healed, it's because I can help others.  If I didn't have the tremendous pain, health issues, and symptoms that I deal with, I wouldn't have any idea what other people, who are in pain, deal with. So for that, I'm grateful.

(((( I know that the greatest healing is in Heaven where there is no more sickness, sadness, or pain. Yes, I look for that day, for eternity ,without pain.))))

Are you Dealing with Pain

 
If you're in chronic pain, have you been hurt by others, especially people in church?  Have you heard things like these?:

"-Don't talk about your pain. 
-Don't talk negatively. Be more positive.
-You're not healed because you don't have enough faith.
-Don't give light to your illness, disease, or pain.
-You must have done something bad or have great sin in your life. Deal with it and God will heal you.
-Don't claim your illness, disease, or pain.
-Don't say it's 'your' pain.
-God healed me, so I know He will heal you.
-You need to exercise, eat better, and take vitamins, supplements, etc. ..and the illness will go away.
-etc..."

When you hear these things, it can really hurt and stab your spirit. I know,  all of those things I have heard.  These aren't appropriate ways to talk to a person who's in pain. People need to be encouraged, not put down.

I have never heard a sermon quite like the one I heard on Sunday.  Pastor Dan talks about adversity and dealing with pain. He exbounds on how Paul, in the Bible, wasn't healed. And how God used him in his pain.

Please listen to the sermon below. May it encourage  and uplift you, as it did me. Click on the link to hear about "How Do You Deal With Adversity? Part 2"
http://subspla.sh/14f2246

2 Corinthians  12  :  7-9   (NIV)
"... Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

A tribute to Roy Vasquez

I have great memories of Roy. He was my neighbor for several years. It all started from when he invited me to the prayer meetings on Tuesday nights at First Assembly of God on Mountain View Ave in 1999. I was helping Jon L. with the office work for the youth group on Tuesday Mornings. Roy said if I would stay for prayer, he would buy me some tacos.  When he came back to the church,  we talked in the foyer and he presented me with two tacos for me and two for him that he bought at Jack in the Box. I was thankful for the tacos, but those were the greasiest tacos.  Yet he loved eating them which made me laugh.

There were times that I would bring my lunch and eat it on the stairs outside of the church that were located on the side building.  Roy and Woody would walk by because they were always working around the church.  One time they saw me eating cucumbers along with my lunch . They each laughed and told me that what I was eating was rabbit food and I need to eat bigger meals. (I was trying to eat healthy meals).

I would laugh when Roy would talk about his lunch. Before he was married,  he often ate his so-called burritos. He would put any leftovers in a tortilla, including spaghetti, and call it a burrito.

Then there was this time that I poured my heart out to the members in the prayer meetings and tell them of the horrible physical pain I was going through. The next day, Roy told me that he could actually feel the pain that I was going through in my jaw for a few seconds that last night. He said God had him  experience it so he knew how to pray for me more. I don't want anyone to suffer like I do, but it meant so much to me that he did. I saw so much compassion and sympathy in my brother's eyes. 

I had this amazing dream in June of 2015, which was about seven months after he entered Heaven.  In my dream, I was at a retreat with a bunch of people I knew. We were waiting for the next session to start.  Then Roy stopped by to say hi.  He gave me the biggest brotherly hug (that I even felt when I awoke from my dream). I was trying to do a selfie picture with Roy, but everyone wanted a picture with him.  He began to tell us all the amazing miracles that happened in the inner city and how God used him so much. He saw his brother Bobby and then they started wrestling. It gave us all a chuckle.  We ended up doing a group photo but Roy kept picking up the remote control to take the picture and we had to show him that the newer cameras do selfie group shots.  And then I woke up from my dream.  I felt like my dear Brother Roy had just come to my home.  I still felt his hug when I woke up. Thank you God,  I needed that from my brother from another  mother,  as he would tell me.

I have great memories of my dear brother Roy and I cherish the time I knew him on this earth.  One day I will see all of my brother and sisters that went to Heaven before me and it will be a time of reminiscing about great memories we have with God and the people he brought in our lives here on earth.

Dreading Bedtime

I have a confession  to make. I dread going to bed every night.  The worst part of my physical  pain is in the middle of the night.

I have more energy between 8-10 pm. Then I have to get myself in the mode to go to bed. I don't want to. Yet I know I have to sleep to get recharged.

The sleepless nights,  the intense pain, the tossing and turning,  the lack of nice rest.  It is frustrating. It makes me to not want to go to bed for the night because when I wake up in the morning,  I'm not refreshed;  I'm recovering from an intense painful night. I wake up with low energy and a stiff body that can barely walk to the bathroom, let alone eat. Eating is another story because I have bad reactions to food.  So yes I do dread going to bed at night......and every day and  night,  I go through the same thing.  This pain is no fun.

It usually takes 2-3 hours to recover after getting up.   Yet hopefully  it will get better someday.    When I can't sleep I have done different things to relax me like praying, doing word search puzzles, or thinking of good memories. Sometimes my creative writing talent kicks in and I think of something I can write on my blog, or how I can encourage ones in the fibromyalgia group I lead on face book, or I go on Facebook and browse with the screen's brightness really low which usually sleep doctors say is a bad idea. Yet when you can't sleep, sometimes it can feel like whole world is asleep but yourself,

I do write these posts to those going through debilitating pain, to say,  you are not alone.  I understand.

(If you have fibromyalgia, you can join support group, go to the home page of this blog)

www.teensytidbits.blogspot.com

What was I Doing?

I seem to be doing things like this more often.  I start one task, and while I'm doing that task, I start another task, then another task, and eventually I forget what I first started.

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The other day, I put two of my plants on my kitchen table to add plant food to them. I measured the right amount and added them to these plants. Okay two down, and 5 more to go...

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I then noticed that dry leaves were on the carpet, so I grabbed the vacuum cleaner and pulled out the glass plant table and vacuumed the leaves. I put the vacuum cleaner to the side...

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I look up and there is a cobweb on the ceiling over the plant table. I grab the broom from my kitchen and take down the cobwebs that are in the living room. I put the broom aside...

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I glance down and I see that the indoor windowsill is dusty, so I clean that up...

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I view behind the TV console that is adjacent the plant table stand, and it has a few dead leaves and dust behind it, too. I get the pledge out to clean that up.  I put the broom aside...

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I then observe the mess that I just created. I have 2 plants on the kitchen table, a vacuum nearby, the broom is propped up against the recliner, the dust rags and pledge is on the floor, and the plant stand full of other plants is not in it's regular spot...Wait, what was I doing? Oh yeah, I need to finish putting the plant food in all the plants... What a mess. 

I know I have had some issues with forgetfulness because of a head injury 20 years ago and the past 15 years I have had brain fog due to fibromyalgia, also known as fibro fog. My forgetfulness seems to be getting worse, unless it's because I am getting older. Wow, can't wait to see how I am in ten more years

Fibro Sufferers Have Many Titles

My normal pain day is having chronic pain, from head to toe, due to Fibromyalgia, a head injury from 20 years ago, and a long list of medical problems that even Santa Claus wouldn't be able to remember. With the crazy health issues I have, you may see me do crazy things or talk about weird sensations my body is doing due to Fibromyalgia (Fibro) or another medial issue.  We, people with Fibro, have many titles due to all the symptoms or crazy sensations that we endure. Here is some of what we go through (yes, I did say some, there is a whole lot more of what we deal with):

FURNITURE TESTER. Sitting on a chair or couch is hard because the cushion on the furniture can cause excruciating pain when pressing against the body.  Sometimes I prefer to sit on the floor. For some reason, it's more comfortable, but yet it still hurts. If that makes sense, I don't  know.  I do use cushions to sit on the floor. All I know is that, at times, it is more comfortable than sitting on a chair or a couch. I know it sounds strange. But this is my life. Wooden chairs without padding are the worst. It can shoot pain in places I didn't know I had.

FASHION UN-DESIGNER. There is the lovely added feature of things touching my body causing even more pain. Wearing certain clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc.. can cause pain. Fibro has made me tone down on my appearance.  Now, I tend to wear comfy clothes and supported tennis shoes or sandals. The fancier the clothing I wear, the more pain it causes.  So loose fitting clothes and pj's are a Fibro persons best friend. I didn't know how many comfy clothes I had until I was doing laundry one day. That is when it hit me.  Wow,  I sure under-dress nowadays.

Oh yes, because I have a hard time sleeping, have temperature and hearing sensitivities, and have tremendous pain, I watch my church LIVE on my Roku (where the internet is connected to my TV).  I have the option of  pajama attire for church which is great for me since I have to drag my body from my bed to the living room.  I do desire to go to an actual building and attend the services, but it is not feasible at this time in my life. I am grateful that my church has the benefit of live-streaming and they just started a new Sunday night service LIVE,  so I get to watch two different services on Sundays from my church. It helps make me feel like I am a part of my church since I can't get out much. I guess you can say, my church has the best parking and the "come as you are" motto in tack.

SPECIAL TECHNIQUE HAIR DRESSER. My hair hurts? Yes, you read it right. There are times that it feels like every hair strand, on my head, hurts.  I don't know what causes that sensation, and people may not understand it, unless they experience it themselves.  Even when I go to bed at night, I'm more aware of my hair. I have to place it a certain way when I lean on it against my pillow,  because if I don't, my hair will hurt and the pain radiates to my head and neck. It sounds funny, yet it is a constant pain. I even have to be careful how I place a scrunchie, bobby pin, or rubber-band in my hair.

MAKEUP UNDER-ARTIST. Applying eye makeup is more of a challenge this year.  I started experiencing pain when I would apply eye shadow to my eye lids. I never even thought that eye lids could ever be in pain, until recently. Yes,  I know all this sounds like I may be making things up, but I'm not.  Sometimes I have to resort to just smearing eye powder on my eyelids with my finger because the eye applicator causes a burning sensation.  

EXTREME SENSATIONALIST. The issue of pain sensation on the tips of fingers causes texting or typing, to be hard, at times. Now, they have the swipe features on the cell phones and electronic tablets which is very helpful.  An average person probably doesn't think about their skin that much. A Fibro sufferer is usually more aware of their skin.  It hurts a lot; it itches. We can't take our skin off to relieve the crazy, painful, yet annoying sensations.  A hug or cuddling can cause excruciating pain at times. Clothes or a blanket may make the skin feel irritated. Sitting on a chair can shoot pain down the back and bottom. Sometimes when I sit or lay on the carpet, I get a burning sensation on my skin like rug burns.  I didn't do anything to cause the rug burn feeling; it's just the way it feels. Yet sitting on the floor, at times, is more comfortable than sitting on furniture. So I guess you can say I'm not comfortable in my own skin. 

HYPERSENSITIVE HEAD BANG-ER. I wear ear plus daily because my ears are really sensitive due to higher pitch noises or sounds.  Some people wear them because they are sensitive to lower pitch sounds.  I guess you can say that concerts, movie theaters, baseball parks, race tracks, stadiums, and even church services are really hard for me to attend. You may see me at the grocery store or taking a walk downtown instead of going to other events or even church, but I've learned what I can and can't do. I found new ways to do things like attending church online which connects to my TV. If the music (or preaching) gets too loud for me, it is awesome to have the remote control handy. The days that I do go to a place that's too loud for me, I have to wear thicker ear plugs and still the next few days my headache will increase and may turn into a migraine-like headache.  And that is with wearing ear plugs; the pain is way worse when I don't wear earplugs.

I have learned to keep the TV remote control close by me, not because I like to hog the TV remote, but because I need the volume feature.  I may not realize it, but I might have the TV. or cell phone turned up higher than normal because I am trying to hear the people talk. Yet it is the higher pitch sounds that hurt my ears, so I have to turn the volume down, during those times. I find that the volume is going up and down a lot on my TV. (lol)  Certain sounds especially  musical instruments can cause an immediate sharp pain in my head.  All TV programs and commercials have music or other sounds that I have to turn down the volume to, yet I have to turn the volume back up to hear the people talk. I  hear really well, yet I don't always decipher what people say.  

FUTURE EXTERMINATOR.  The feeling of bugs crawling all over and then the skin itches everywhere.  Nothing seems to relieve the itch. Applying  tons of topical  creams doesn't work most of the time.

HYPERSENSITIVE WEATHERMAN/WOMAN. People with Fibro tend to know if the weather is about to change.  I usually know when it is about to rain or if there is any moisture in the air because my body will be in intense pain from head to toe.  If the barometric pressure or temperature changes,  my body feels that too.  We also deal with hot or cold sensitivities.  If it's hot, I turn on the air conditioner yet you may find me put on a sweater.  People with Fibro tend to be temperature sensitive. When it is hot, I have to turn on the air conditioner. Yet I throw on a light blanket or sweater because when the air from the air conditioner or fan hits my skin, my body starts to hurt more, especially my skin.

Due to Fibro, I get over-heated easily where I feel like I am going to pass out so I carry Gatorade packets, along with water, with me when I go out.  Then recently my body started the change, yes that dreaded peri-menopause I have heard about. The hot flashes and night sweats actually made my temperature sensitivity even worse.  Even when I was in an air conditioned room, my vision would fade and turn black, was lightheaded, and felt like I was about to pass out. I ended up going to my doctor. She ran some tests to be on the safe side yet they came out normal.  She said I'm just going through the change and I need electrolytes to balance my body due to sweating more. I don't need added symptoms, oh well, life goes on....She told me to drink Smart water, with electrolytes, to help my body out. Thankfully, it has been helping. (Please tell me that other women have had a bad reaction to hot flashes besides having to turn on the air conditioner or stick your head in the freezer. Lol) I  just hope the Smart water makes me a smarter person.

So now I have to keep Smart Water stocked. I have also been using Gatorade because it is cheaper, but I dilute it because it has a lot of sugar. So if you see me carrying Gatorade or reaching for some Smart water, now you know. I am just overly sensitive to hot temperatures including the ones in my own body. Crazy me....too funny.

HEARTBEAT NAVIGATOR ASSISTANT. With all that I go through, God is very important in my life.  Some people may think I shouldn't believe in a God who hasn't healed me of all these illnesses, disease, symptoms, pain, or crazy sensations. Yet God  uses it all to keep me close to His heartbeat and to help me encourage others who are going through it too. 

If you (or a loved one) are going through these weird sensations, extreme pain all over, or other symptoms, you are not going crazy. It is not all in your head, and you are not alone... I have been dealing with extreme pain and added symptoms, which includes Fibro for the last 20 years. I lead a Fibromyalgia group called "Fibromyalgia: Fibro Brothers and Sisters" to help encourage others who are dealing with Fibro.  It's good to be a part of a support group so you know you are not alone. 

Here is the Fibro support group: 

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/fibroBandS/  

and here is the page where I give tips on managing pain: 

https://www.facebook.com/teensytidbits

We all could use more people to understand what we deal with on a regular basis.

Pain as a Miracle?

This is dedicated to all who deal with chronic, debilitating pain.

Some of you may know that I deal with a tremendous amount of pain due to Fibromyalgia and other health problems. I believe and pray for a healing yet I know that God can use me through the pain as a testimony for Him.

Throughout my life, I have had people say that they were watching me and my Relationship with God while dealing with all these tremendous health issues. They said if I can live for God with all that I go through, then they can too....you just never know why we go through all this pain. Maybe people are coming to know God because of the pain you go through.  God may speak to you about not healing you at this time or you may not all know of the reason for it all, until you get to Heaven.

There may be people living for God because of you.  You may be on their minds. They may be praying for a miracle, yet that miracle may be them watching you finding strength in God. That miracle may be people having a stronger relationship with God because they see what you go through and how you cling on to God for hope.  That miracle may be others finding salvation in Jesus Christ because you may be a walking testimony in serving God through all these symptoms.

May be YOU are the miracle. Someone striving with all their might and strength, carrying their cross of pain, and holding onto Jesus, is miraculous.

What is the greater testimony? Preaching the gospel, but not living what is preached OR not saying a word yet living as an example of Jesus Christ?  I believe it's the last one.  We may not be able to get out and do much, but with what we can do, make sure it's living for the one and only, Almighty God. Lean on him for strength. Cling to Him.

Let people watch you live for God THROUGH the pain.  This pain may be temporary or permanent on earth, yet it is not totally permanent. There will be no pain in Heaven.  We are on this earth but a glimpse of what eternity will be.....

My dear brothers and sisters, keep your chin up. Pray for a healing, and while you are waiting for a healing, do what God wants you to do,  THROUGH, the pain.  God loves you.  He cares about what you are going through. Lean on Him for your daily strength. Allow God to use you in this tough time, of debilitating pain, in your life.

Well, You don't look Sick

When people have asked how I'm doing, I used to tell them that I feel awful and am in pain which is probably not what they want to hear.  Most of their responses would be: "Well, you look good," or "Well,  you look nice, " or "Well, you don't look sick or in pain." I don't understand why they start the reply with the word  "well," but they did. I guess they expect people who look nice or seem to have it together to never have to deal with diseases, illnesses, or chronic pain.  If I had a dollar for every time someone said that "I Don't Look Sick" when I tell them I have fibromyalgia and other health issues, I would be rich.  I guess these certain ones expect me to be limping, shriveled, or in a wheelchair before they believe me. Maybe they are implying that only ugly, or unkept people are disabled. I disagree. I have seen some nice looking people who are disabled with a silent illness/disease that you can't tell by looking at them.

These days,  I try not to tell everyone how I'm doing unless they are really concerned and seem to care.  If someone asks how I'm doing, I may reply with "I'm okay." That's my way of saying, " I'm in pain, I don't feel well, yet I got up, got dressed, and made it out the door." MY MOTTO, this year, has been: "I MADE IT! "

I am here to tell you that fibromyalgia (fibro) is an invisible illness. You can't see it; you can't touch it and everyone who has it, doesn't all have the same intensities of pain and symptoms.  Some people may have a mild case of fibro, while others may have an extreme case, like I do. Some are able to work, yet some have too may intense symptoms and much debilitating pain that affects every aspect of their life. Some can have a pretty normal lifestyle yet others may have a hard time moving around or have low energy.

The greatest things you can do for someone with fibro is take them seriously, realize they aren't lying about all the crazy and intense pain and symptoms they experience, believe in them, and encourage them.  Most of all, be their friend or the loved one who really cares.

Feel free to share this post

And it's good  to join a fibromyalgia support group. 
You can join one at www.teensytidbits.blogspot.com on the home page

Did Jesus?*

Did Jesus know when he was a child that He would later have a horrible death?
Did He know things as a child that most didn't?
Was He considered a genius?

Did Jesus heal himself or his family members from a cold or sickness?
Did His earthly parents teach him things He didn't already know?
Was He nice to his brothers when they were young or was there normal rivalry?

Did Jesus' brothers feel or sense the unconditional love that He had for them?
Did His brothers treat him with total respect?
Did His brothers make sarcastic remarks to Him about how well behaved He was?

Did Jesus talk before most babies do?
What were Jesus' first thoughts and words?
Did Jesus have to exercise or be concerned about eating healthy?

Did Jesus have any negative thoughts that He had to constantly rebuke?
Did Jesus know about the future technology or electronics even though they didn't have them when He lived here on earth?
What was the first thing Jesus did when he re-entered Heaven from spending time on earth?

Did Jesus show excitement in Heaven before He came down to earth as a baby?
Was there a discussion in Heaven between the Heavenly Father and His Son (Jesus) about Him coming down to earth?
Did Jesus' mother show favoritism toward Him because she knew He was more than her son?

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