Are You Angry at God? Because of Pain?

Are you in intense pain or have a debilitating illness, disease, or even cancer? Did you reach out to God for him to heal you? Are you so angry at God for not taking it away?

You may have reached out, cried, begged, pleaded, demanded for God to take it away, but He didn't. I have been there, where I went through that with God and then I felt guilty for being angry at God. A couple of years ago, someone told me: "its okay to be angry at God. What, you don't think He can handle it?"

God can handle it!  Its okay to be angry and hurt, for a season. The anger is probably derived from hurt.  You might have felt like God didn't care enough about you to heal you or maybe you felt abandoned or alone.  It's possible that the symptoms or pain felt too big to handle. You may be grieving the life you once knew: the good health, being able to juggle family, employment, good health, great social life, volunteering, or anything else that is a part of a normal every day life.

I was injured at work over 20 years ago where a 20 lb box fell on my head. It changed my life. I went from working full time, with great health, was taking classes at a nearby college, attending and volunteering at my church, and going out with my friends all the time, etc...to a life that was the opposite. I was not able to work like I wanted and was going to never-ending doctor's appts because of the tremendous health issues, debilitating pain, and symptoms that accumulated. I couldn't handle being around a lot of everyday sounds because they sounded like sirens blasting in my ears, couldn't go outside a lot because my body temperature changed to being extra sensitive to heat and cold, and my social life plummeted. So my life felt hopeless and useless especially because I wanted to do so much and couldn't. I saw my friends building families, careers, and a life I wanted. I felt so alone, abandoned by God, and I grieved for many years.

My life is not what I wanted it to be but because of all that I went through and still go through, God changed me. I now am able to identify with a lot of people who go through tons of pain, encourage people all over the world through Facebook and the internet. God has given me a desire and talent to be an artist and has given me peace and joy through the pain. It's a distraction from all the health issues I deal with in my body.

God never promised to take us out of the pain, but walk with us, THROUGH it. He knows what you are going through. He has heard your prayers, seen your tears. Something new might be birthed because of the hard times that you go through. You may not see it now, but God may use you THROUGH the pain. It could be a desire to help people build a new organization to meet people's needs, donate time or money to a charity in another country or down the street, write a book, pray for the hurting people, write letters to disabled vets, make quilts for sick children in hospitals, etc....the opportunities are endless.

Remember that when the pain is so hard, sometimes all you can do is look to God for strength. I cling on to Him everyday for His strength. May you do the same.
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Add Comments to my Blog

I have had Blogspot.com since 2007 and it used to allow people to comment with various webpages, their name, or be anonymous. Then within the last few years, they changed it to only allow Google account users to comment on the blog. It took about a year of me researching online to make a broader comment section.  I finally found a simple code that works for now.
<b:include data='post' name='comment-form'/>.After working with it another 3 hours today, it now allows people to comment using:
Google
Live Journal
Wordpress
TypePad
Aim
OpenID
or you can add your own name (and/or website) or even be Anonymous.

I still haven't figured out how to get the google comment section completely off without it not posting all the comments. When I take out the codes for the google comment form, it tells me people have posted but it doesn't show it on the page...So if you know how to do that let me know.
Also I noticed when I view this webpage on my smartphone, it somehow didn't show the comment section, so I had to change it back to the website view.

When making a comment: make sure you are on the full page. You may need to click on the title of the article (or post) so you are on the full page....

In a few seconds, you will then see the comment section a little after the article.

Look where it says: "Post a Comment." 
Type your comment in the box below it, where it states "enter your comment".

Click on the drop box where it says:  "Comment as." Then click on the one that you want to use and it will then direct you from there. Don't forget to click on publish when you are done. Thank you so much.

One exhausted and excited blogger,
yes, that's me.

F.I.B.R.O.M.Y.A.L.G.I.A

Fully

Invisible illness where the

Body feels

Rejected in its on skin on an

Ongoing basis.

Men and women are

Yearning for relief, understanding

And even

Love, so they don't

Give up due to the

Intense pain, horrible symptoms,

And all the struggles of fibro.



Fibromyalgia is real. Don't give up. You can find help through doctors, chronic pain management programs, support groups, counseling, resources, such as, books on fibro and more.

Read more articles on dealing with pain at www.teensytidbits.blogspot.com  

Come to Me

I was calling my cat, Buttons, to come to me.  I called his name several times,  even vocalized some meow words, but he wouldn't come.  As I walked over to him,  I kept thinking,  how stubborn my cat can be.

Then God, with a quiet voice, asked me the same thing. Why don't I come to Him when He calls my name?

Pain is No Respecter of Persons

Pain is no respecter of persons. It knows no boundaries. It plays no favorites. Pain doesn't care about religion, nationality, age, culture, what size or shape you are, or what continent you live on. A person may not have done anything for the Pain to grip their body.

Debilitating chronic pain can make you grieve the life you once had, like employment, more physical abilities, energy and strength; good health, bigger social life, and much more.

A good support team including, family and friends, is vital to the person's emotional well-being, especially at this time.

Pain can attack at any time of your life and may stay for a season or the rest of your life on earth. Some people turn to drugs, alcohol, and even overeating, while others turn to God or some other higher power they look to. Some receive healing from God, yet some don't. When they ask for a healing and haven't received one, some turn away from God because of the intense pain and rejection they feel. Yet little do they know, that God is by their side, holding their hand and going with them, through the pain.

If you are one of these, don't give up...there will come a time when the emotional pain that you deal with, won't be as strong as the physical pain. God does love you and He can give you strength through the pain. Believe me, I know, because I deal with tremendous pain with a roller coaster of symptoms, daily. I know what its like to struggle, and lose the life I once had. I grieved for years over not being able to do what I once could, or be who I used to be. I had to discover the new me. It was very challenging, but through God's love and strength, I conquered it. This isn't the life I requested, but it's the life I have now. I can be more damaging to my emotions or I can make the best of it. For me, I found my purpose is to help encourage others through the pain they endure.

It's okay to grieve your losses, but then find out your purpose in this life. 

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"

Pain verses People who Don't Understand

To all of you who have been hurt by others because of the words they say about your health issues and pain, I apologize on your behalf....

To all of you who have been hurt even by people in church, I apologize on your behalf, as well...

I know this may be a touchy subject, but I think I should talk about it. So many people say things, even in the church, that they think are being helpful and can make a person actually feel awful. 

Try to remember that they are human too, and make mistakes. I know that's easier said, then done.

I have been in chronic pain for over 20 years after a head injury and have gained other major heath issues like Fibromyalgia. I know what it's like to be in a public setting, and even in church, where people have said things to me that brought me to tears.

I have probably heard it all (from people I know): "-If you pray more, you will be healed; -Don't talk about your pain, you are given light to  something negative. -Don't talk negative. -Focus on others who are worse off than you. -If you exercise more, or take this medicine, etc....your pain will be gone. -Don't claim it (your health issues). -You must have some hidden sin in your life. -I am healed of my pain, so you should do what I have done to be healed." Then there is my favorite from a TV evangelist, "if you send $2000, God will heal you." No, I didn't send the money.

Now when I sit back and think about all the things that were hurtful, I can smile. Nowhere in the Bible are any of those listed as a definite healing.  Yes we need to be faithful, yes there is a time and place for talking about our pains or health issues....but just because we aren't healed, doesn't mean we are less of a person, or even less of a Christian.

I have even had a person (who wasn't a close friend) say some of these things listed above, to me, then a year later she was diagnosed with cancer and ended up dying. When she told me she was going through radiation treatment, I so wanted to tell her what she told me: "don't claim it (the cancer)," but I bit my tongue and was respectful.

If there is anyone who has given up on God or the church because of what people said to you about your health condition, please reconsider God's love for you. I don't always understand why He doesn't heal a lot of people like they did in the Bible days. But I do know that God gives me strength each day. He helps me through it and even provides other resources. It took a lot of guidance, counseling, reading books, crying out to God, researching my health issues,  support groups, chronic pain management, and having a support team of friends and mentors to get to where I am today.

It's ok to talk about your pain. It's even ok, if you are not healed. Pray for a healing, but realize God may say no. He may use your pain for something special. I understand the meaning of me not being healed, it's because I can help others.  If I didn't have the tremendous pain, health issues, and symptoms that I deal with, I wouldn't have any idea what other people, who are in pain, deal with. So for that, I'm grateful.

(((( I know that the greatest healing is in Heaven where there is no more sickness, sadness, or pain. Yes, I look for that day, for eternity ,without pain.))))

Are you Dealing with Pain

 
If you're in chronic pain, have you been hurt by others, especially people in church?  Have you heard things like these?:

"-Don't talk about your pain. 
-Don't talk negatively. Be more positive.
-You're not healed because you don't have enough faith.
-Don't give light to your illness, disease, or pain.
-You must have done something bad or have great sin in your life. Deal with it and God will heal you.
-Don't claim your illness, disease, or pain.
-Don't say it's 'your' pain.
-God healed me, so I know He will heal you.
-You need to exercise, eat better, and take vitamins, supplements, etc. ..and the illness will go away.
-etc..."

When you hear these things, it can really hurt and stab your spirit. I know,  all of those things I have heard.  These aren't appropriate ways to talk to a person who's in pain. People need to be encouraged, not put down.

I have never heard a sermon quite like the one I heard on Sunday.  Pastor Dan talks about adversity and dealing with pain. He exbounds on how Paul, in the Bible, wasn't healed. And how God used him in his pain.

Please listen to the sermon below. May it encourage  and uplift you, as it did me. Click on the link to hear about "How Do You Deal With Adversity? Part 2"
http://subspla.sh/14f2246

2 Corinthians  12  :  7-9   (NIV)
"... Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

A tribute to Roy Vasquez

I have great memories of Roy. He was my neighbor for several years. It all started from when he invited me to the prayer meetings on Tuesday nights at First Assembly of God on Mountain View Ave in 1999. I was helping Jon L. with the office work for the youth group on Tuesday Mornings. Roy said if I would stay for prayer, he would buy me some tacos.  When he came back to the church,  we talked in the foyer and he presented me with two tacos for me and two for him that he bought at Jack in the Box. I was thankful for the tacos, but those were the greasiest tacos.  Yet he loved eating them which made me laugh.

There were times that I would bring my lunch and eat it on the stairs outside of the church that were located on the side building.  Roy and Woody would walk by because they were always working around the church.  One time they saw me eating cucumbers along with my lunch . They each laughed and told me that what I was eating was rabbit food and I need to eat bigger meals. (I was trying to eat healthy meals).

I would laugh when Roy would talk about his lunch. Before he was married,  he often ate his so-called burritos. He would put any leftovers in a tortilla, including spaghetti, and call it a burrito.

Then there was this time that I poured my heart out to the members in the prayer meetings and tell them of the horrible physical pain I was going through. The next day, Roy told me that he could actually feel the pain that I was going through in my jaw for a few seconds that last night. He said God had him  experience it so he knew how to pray for me more. I don't want anyone to suffer like I do, but it meant so much to me that he did. I saw so much compassion and sympathy in my brother's eyes. 

I had this amazing dream in June of 2015, which was about seven months after he entered Heaven.  In my dream, I was at a retreat with a bunch of people I knew. We were waiting for the next session to start.  Then Roy stopped by to say hi.  He gave me the biggest brotherly hug (that I even felt when I awoke from my dream). I was trying to do a selfie picture with Roy, but everyone wanted a picture with him.  He began to tell us all the amazing miracles that happened in the inner city and how God used him so much. He saw his brother Bobby and then they started wrestling. It gave us all a chuckle.  We ended up doing a group photo but Roy kept picking up the remote control to take the picture and we had to show him that the newer cameras do selfie group shots.  And then I woke up from my dream.  I felt like my dear Brother Roy had just come to my home.  I still felt his hug when I woke up. Thank you God,  I needed that from my brother from another  mother,  as he would tell me.

I have great memories of my dear brother Roy and I cherish the time I knew him on this earth.  One day I will see all of my brother and sisters that went to Heaven before me and it will be a time of reminiscing about great memories we have with God and the people he brought in our lives here on earth.

Dreading Bedtime

I have a confession  to make. I dread going to bed every night.  The worst part of my physical  pain is in the middle of the night.

I have more energy between 8-10 pm. Then I have to get myself in the mode to go to bed. I don't want to. Yet I know I have to sleep to get recharged.

The sleepless nights,  the intense pain, the tossing and turning,  the lack of nice rest.  It is frustrating. It makes me to not want to go to bed for the night because when I wake up in the morning,  I'm not refreshed;  I'm recovering from an intense painful night. I wake up with low energy and a stiff body that can barely walk to the bathroom, let alone eat. Eating is another story because I have bad reactions to food.  So yes I do dread going to bed at night......and every day and  night,  I go through the same thing.  This pain is no fun.

It usually takes 2-3 hours to recover after getting up.   Yet hopefully  it will get better someday.    When I can't sleep I have done different things to relax me like praying, doing word search puzzles, or thinking of good memories. Sometimes my creative writing talent kicks in and I think of something I can write on my blog, or how I can encourage ones in the fibromyalgia group I lead on face book, or I go on Facebook and browse with the screen's brightness really low which usually sleep doctors say is a bad idea. Yet when you can't sleep, sometimes it can feel like whole world is asleep but yourself,

I do write these posts to those going through debilitating pain, to say,  you are not alone.  I understand.

(If you have fibromyalgia, you can join support group, go to the home page of this blog)

www.teensytidbits.blogspot.com

What was I Doing?

I seem to be doing things like this more often.  I start one task, and while I'm doing that task, I start another task, then another task, and eventually I forget what I first started.

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The other day, I put two of my plants on my kitchen table to add plant food to them. I measured the right amount and added them to these plants. Okay two down, and 5 more to go...

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I then noticed that dry leaves were on the carpet, so I grabbed the vacuum cleaner and pulled out the glass plant table and vacuumed the leaves. I put the vacuum cleaner to the side...

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I look up and there is a cobweb on the ceiling over the plant table. I grab the broom from my kitchen and take down the cobwebs that are in the living room. I put the broom aside...

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I glance down and I see that the indoor windowsill is dusty, so I clean that up...

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I view behind the TV console that is adjacent the plant table stand, and it has a few dead leaves and dust behind it, too. I get the pledge out to clean that up.  I put the broom aside...

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I then observe the mess that I just created. I have 2 plants on the kitchen table, a vacuum nearby, the broom is propped up against the recliner, the dust rags and pledge is on the floor, and the plant stand full of other plants is not in it's regular spot...Wait, what was I doing? Oh yeah, I need to finish putting the plant food in all the plants... What a mess. 

I know I have had some issues with forgetfulness because of a head injury 20 years ago and the past 15 years I have had brain fog due to fibromyalgia, also known as fibro fog. My forgetfulness seems to be getting worse, unless it's because I am getting older. Wow, can't wait to see how I am in ten more years

Fibro Sufferers Have Many Titles

My normal pain day is having chronic pain, from head to toe, due to Fibromyalgia, a head injury from 20 years ago, and a long list of medical problems that even Santa Claus wouldn't be able to remember. With the crazy health issues I have, you may see me do crazy things or talk about weird sensations my body is doing due to Fibromyalgia (Fibro) or another medial issue.  We, people with Fibro, have many titles due to all the symptoms or crazy sensations that we endure. Here is some of what we go through (yes, I did say some, there is a whole lot more of what we deal with):

FURNITURE TESTER. Sitting on a chair or couch is hard because the cushion on the furniture can cause excruciating pain when pressing against the body.  Sometimes I prefer to sit on the floor. For some reason, it's more comfortable, but yet it still hurts. If that makes sense, I don't  know.  I do use cushions to sit on the floor. All I know is that, at times, it is more comfortable than sitting on a chair or a couch. I know it sounds strange. But this is my life. Wooden chairs without padding are the worst. It can shoot pain in places I didn't know I had.

FASHION UN-DESIGNER. There is the lovely added feature of things touching my body causing even more pain. Wearing certain clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc.. can cause pain. Fibro has made me tone down on my appearance.  Now, I tend to wear comfy clothes and supported tennis shoes or sandals. The fancier the clothing I wear, the more pain it causes.  So loose fitting clothes and pj's are a Fibro persons best friend. I didn't know how many comfy clothes I had until I was doing laundry one day. That is when it hit me.  Wow,  I sure under-dress nowadays.

Oh yes, because I have a hard time sleeping, have temperature and hearing sensitivities, and have tremendous pain, I watch my church LIVE on my Roku (where the internet is connected to my TV).  I have the option of  pajama attire for church which is great for me since I have to drag my body from my bed to the living room.  I do desire to go to an actual building and attend the services, but it is not feasible at this time in my life. I am grateful that my church has the benefit of live-streaming and they just started a new Sunday night service LIVE,  so I get to watch two different services on Sundays from my church. It helps make me feel like I am a part of my church since I can't get out much. I guess you can say, my church has the best parking and the "come as you are" motto in tack.

SPECIAL TECHNIQUE HAIR DRESSER. My hair hurts? Yes, you read it right. There are times that it feels like every hair strand, on my head, hurts.  I don't know what causes that sensation, and people may not understand it, unless they experience it themselves.  Even when I go to bed at night, I'm more aware of my hair. I have to place it a certain way when I lean on it against my pillow,  because if I don't, my hair will hurt and the pain radiates to my head and neck. It sounds funny, yet it is a constant pain. I even have to be careful how I place a scrunchie, bobby pin, or rubber-band in my hair.

MAKEUP UNDER-ARTIST. Applying eye makeup is more of a challenge this year.  I started experiencing pain when I would apply eye shadow to my eye lids. I never even thought that eye lids could ever be in pain, until recently. Yes,  I know all this sounds like I may be making things up, but I'm not.  Sometimes I have to resort to just smearing eye powder on my eyelids with my finger because the eye applicator causes a burning sensation.  

EXTREME SENSATIONALIST. The issue of pain sensation on the tips of fingers causes texting or typing, to be hard, at times. Now, they have the swipe features on the cell phones and electronic tablets which is very helpful.  An average person probably doesn't think about their skin that much. A Fibro sufferer is usually more aware of their skin.  It hurts a lot; it itches. We can't take our skin off to relieve the crazy, painful, yet annoying sensations.  A hug or cuddling can cause excruciating pain at times. Clothes or a blanket may make the skin feel irritated. Sitting on a chair can shoot pain down the back and bottom. Sometimes when I sit or lay on the carpet, I get a burning sensation on my skin like rug burns.  I didn't do anything to cause the rug burn feeling; it's just the way it feels. Yet sitting on the floor, at times, is more comfortable than sitting on furniture. So I guess you can say I'm not comfortable in my own skin. 

HYPERSENSITIVE HEAD BANG-ER. I wear ear plus daily because my ears are really sensitive due to higher pitch noises or sounds.  Some people wear them because they are sensitive to lower pitch sounds.  I guess you can say that concerts, movie theaters, baseball parks, race tracks, stadiums, and even church services are really hard for me to attend. You may see me at the grocery store or taking a walk downtown instead of going to other events or even church, but I've learned what I can and can't do. I found new ways to do things like attending church online which connects to my TV. If the music (or preaching) gets too loud for me, it is awesome to have the remote control handy. The days that I do go to a place that's too loud for me, I have to wear thicker ear plugs and still the next few days my headache will increase and may turn into a migraine-like headache.  And that is with wearing ear plugs; the pain is way worse when I don't wear earplugs.

I have learned to keep the TV remote control close by me, not because I like to hog the TV remote, but because I need the volume feature.  I may not realize it, but I might have the TV. or cell phone turned up higher than normal because I am trying to hear the people talk. Yet it is the higher pitch sounds that hurt my ears, so I have to turn the volume down, during those times. I find that the volume is going up and down a lot on my TV. (lol)  Certain sounds especially  musical instruments can cause an immediate sharp pain in my head.  All TV programs and commercials have music or other sounds that I have to turn down the volume to, yet I have to turn the volume back up to hear the people talk. I  hear really well, yet I don't always decipher what people say.  

FUTURE EXTERMINATOR.  The feeling of bugs crawling all over and then the skin itches everywhere.  Nothing seems to relieve the itch. Applying  tons of topical  creams doesn't work most of the time.

HYPERSENSITIVE WEATHERMAN/WOMAN. People with Fibro tend to know if the weather is about to change.  I usually know when it is about to rain or if there is any moisture in the air because my body will be in intense pain from head to toe.  If the barometric pressure or temperature changes,  my body feels that too.  We also deal with hot or cold sensitivities.  If it's hot, I turn on the air conditioner yet you may find me put on a sweater.  People with Fibro tend to be temperature sensitive. When it is hot, I have to turn on the air conditioner. Yet I throw on a light blanket or sweater because when the air from the air conditioner or fan hits my skin, my body starts to hurt more, especially my skin.

Due to Fibro, I get over-heated easily where I feel like I am going to pass out so I carry Gatorade packets, along with water, with me when I go out.  Then recently my body started the change, yes that dreaded peri-menopause I have heard about. The hot flashes and night sweats actually made my temperature sensitivity even worse.  Even when I was in an air conditioned room, my vision would fade and turn black, was lightheaded, and felt like I was about to pass out. I ended up going to my doctor. She ran some tests to be on the safe side yet they came out normal.  She said I'm just going through the change and I need electrolytes to balance my body due to sweating more. I don't need added symptoms, oh well, life goes on....She told me to drink Smart water, with electrolytes, to help my body out. Thankfully, it has been helping. (Please tell me that other women have had a bad reaction to hot flashes besides having to turn on the air conditioner or stick your head in the freezer. Lol) I  just hope the Smart water makes me a smarter person.

So now I have to keep Smart Water stocked. I have also been using Gatorade because it is cheaper, but I dilute it because it has a lot of sugar. So if you see me carrying Gatorade or reaching for some Smart water, now you know. I am just overly sensitive to hot temperatures including the ones in my own body. Crazy me....too funny.

HEARTBEAT NAVIGATOR ASSISTANT. With all that I go through, God is very important in my life.  Some people may think I shouldn't believe in a God who hasn't healed me of all these illnesses, disease, symptoms, pain, or crazy sensations. Yet God  uses it all to keep me close to His heartbeat and to help me encourage others who are going through it too. 

If you (or a loved one) are going through these weird sensations, extreme pain all over, or other symptoms, you are not going crazy. It is not all in your head, and you are not alone... I have been dealing with extreme pain and added symptoms, which includes Fibro for the last 20 years. I lead a Fibromyalgia group called "Fibromyalgia: Fibro Brothers and Sisters" to help encourage others who are dealing with Fibro.  It's good to be a part of a support group so you know you are not alone. 

Here is the Fibro support group: 

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/fibroBandS/  

and here is the page where I give tips on managing pain: 

https://www.facebook.com/teensytidbits

We all could use more people to understand what we deal with on a regular basis.

Pain as a Miracle?

This is dedicated to all who deal with chronic, debilitating pain.

Some of you may know that I deal with a tremendous amount of pain due to Fibromyalgia and other health problems. I believe and pray for a healing yet I know that God can use me through the pain as a testimony for Him.

Throughout my life, I have had people say that they were watching me and my Relationship with God while dealing with all these tremendous health issues. They said if I can live for God with all that I go through, then they can too....you just never know why we go through all this pain. Maybe people are coming to know God because of the pain you go through.  God may speak to you about not healing you at this time or you may not all know of the reason for it all, until you get to Heaven.

There may be people living for God because of you.  You may be on their minds. They may be praying for a miracle, yet that miracle may be them watching you finding strength in God. That miracle may be people having a stronger relationship with God because they see what you go through and how you cling on to God for hope.  That miracle may be others finding salvation in Jesus Christ because you may be a walking testimony in serving God through all these symptoms.

May be YOU are the miracle. Someone striving with all their might and strength, carrying their cross of pain, and holding onto Jesus, is miraculous.

What is the greater testimony? Preaching the gospel, but not living what is preached OR not saying a word yet living as an example of Jesus Christ?  I believe it's the last one.  We may not be able to get out and do much, but with what we can do, make sure it's living for the one and only, Almighty God. Lean on him for strength. Cling to Him.

Let people watch you live for God THROUGH the pain.  This pain may be temporary or permanent on earth, yet it is not totally permanent. There will be no pain in Heaven.  We are on this earth but a glimpse of what eternity will be.....

My dear brothers and sisters, keep your chin up. Pray for a healing, and while you are waiting for a healing, do what God wants you to do,  THROUGH, the pain.  God loves you.  He cares about what you are going through. Lean on Him for your daily strength. Allow God to use you in this tough time, of debilitating pain, in your life.

Well, You don't look Sick

When people have asked how I'm doing, I used to tell them that I feel awful and am in pain which is probably not what they want to hear.  Most of their responses would be: "Well, you look good," or "Well,  you look nice, " or "Well, you don't look sick or in pain." I don't understand why they start the reply with the word  "well," but they did. I guess they expect people who look nice or seem to have it together to never have to deal with diseases, illnesses, or chronic pain.  If I had a dollar for every time someone said that "I Don't Look Sick" when I tell them I have fibromyalgia and other health issues, I would be rich.  I guess these certain ones expect me to be limping, shriveled, or in a wheelchair before they believe me. Maybe they are implying that only ugly, or unkept people are disabled. I disagree. I have seen some nice looking people who are disabled with a silent illness/disease that you can't tell by looking at them.

These days,  I try not to tell everyone how I'm doing unless they are really concerned and seem to care.  If someone asks how I'm doing, I may reply with "I'm okay." That's my way of saying, " I'm in pain, I don't feel well, yet I got up, got dressed, and made it out the door." MY MOTTO, this year, has been: "I MADE IT! "

I am here to tell you that fibromyalgia (fibro) is an invisible illness. You can't see it; you can't touch it and everyone who has it, doesn't all have the same intensities of pain and symptoms.  Some people may have a mild case of fibro, while others may have an extreme case, like I do. Some are able to work, yet some have too may intense symptoms and much debilitating pain that affects every aspect of their life. Some can have a pretty normal lifestyle yet others may have a hard time moving around or have low energy.

The greatest things you can do for someone with fibro is take them seriously, realize they aren't lying about all the crazy and intense pain and symptoms they experience, believe in them, and encourage them.  Most of all, be their friend or the loved one who really cares.

Feel free to share this post

And it's good  to join a fibromyalgia support group. 
You can join one at www.teensytidbits.blogspot.com on the home page

Did Jesus?*

Did Jesus know when he was a child that He would later have a horrible death?
Did He know things as a child that most didn't?
Was He considered a genius?

Did Jesus heal himself or his family members from a cold or sickness?
Did His earthly parents teach him things He didn't already know?
Was He nice to his brothers when they were young or was there normal rivalry?

Did Jesus' brothers feel or sense the unconditional love that He had for them?
Did His brothers treat him with total respect?
Did His brothers make sarcastic remarks to Him about how well behaved He was?

Did Jesus talk before most babies do?
What were Jesus' first thoughts and words?
Did Jesus have to exercise or be concerned about eating healthy?

Did Jesus have any negative thoughts that He had to constantly rebuke?
Did Jesus know about the future technology or electronics even though they didn't have them when He lived here on earth?
What was the first thing Jesus did when he re-entered Heaven from spending time on earth?

Did Jesus show excitement in Heaven before He came down to earth as a baby?
Was there a discussion in Heaven between the Heavenly Father and His Son (Jesus) about Him coming down to earth?
Did Jesus' mother show favoritism toward Him because she knew He was more than her son?

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Silly Brain*

If you have fibro fog or any brain fog this may make sense....

I was with my friend for a few hours yesterday  and I had the hardest time forming complete sentences. Luckily I was tired and got the giggles, otherwise it would have bothered me. I also felt like Dory from "Finding Nemo." I kept getting so easily distracted and my brain felt like it was turning to a mush or a mixed slushy. I couldn't form completed sentences. I kept forgetting what I was saying and the more I thought about it, the worse it got. I would try to explain what I mean, but then I couldn't remember what I was explaining. And no, its not dementia or Alzheimers. It's what we call fibro fog or brain fog.

I kept dropping things, about 4 things to be exact.  Not at home, but right in public.  I dropped my credit card at the checkout, well I think that is what it was. Then I dropped a few things I was purchasing, plus a few things in the aisles.   But that is okay, I didn't break anything, but maybe a little of my pride...

I also kept bumping into things due to the off balance feeling I have. It isn't a pleasant feeling when one collides with a door knob, the wall, or the edge of a table. This isn't done on purpose but somehow my brain is not cooperating with my thought process.

Lately my energy is slow and is trying to catch up, but it's lacking.
Sleep is a joke.
Naps are a must.
Socializing is strained.
A trip to the grocery story is exciting. I try to go to the store before my energy is depleted. It's a race against time, who will win? Me or low energy.

If I say "hiiiiiiiiii," it's  just me, excited to see you, yet I have subconsciously prolonged the word, to try to give me extra time to remember your name. It is stored in a locked file in the abyss of my brain and my brain will not let go of the key. So, I am sorry, if I can't remember your name.  I am grateful that my brain is in my head because if it wasn't, my body would have walked away with a no return address.

And wait!  I am told that the older a person gets, the more their memory disappears. Wow, I can't wait. I'm up for a doozy in the next 10-20 years.

Written on June 16, 2015

God's Painted Artistic View

I awoke to the smell of a skunk that showed himself in my neighborhood. No, I don't like the smell of a skunk, yet God created the skunk.

I peak out the window as I close it to block the putrid smell lingering in the air. Then I see this majestic site from my third story window. The hues of primary blue, cobalt turquoise,  and yellow light temporarily fill the sky while titanium white highlights the cobalt blue mountains.God you created this spectacular scene.

The trees of various sizes and shapes have what appears to be a dark Prussian blue yet the color is just an illusion due to the early morning shadowing hues of carbon black. The trees are looking up beyond themselves as if to praise the creator.

The speckled grass, of  permanent  green and yellow medium colors, down below hasn't felt  an y humans walk upon it  this morning. This is a new day of hopes and dreams that haven't yet been awaken for most people's lives are in bed to capture what zzzz 's they can. 

The many birds are singing their tunes in the distant and adjacent trees.  I wonder what they are thinking. Their melody is like an angelic choir to my ears.  They are not alike but of different notes and pitches, singing their best for the creator. Maybe they are praising their creative conductor.

After fifteen minutes,  the sky has lightened up with various shades of white that makes every  thing so vivid. Also Titanium white, off white, and hints of yellow light, grays, and not-so-yet sky-blue hues are canvassing the tiny miniature trees atop the mountain. This glimpse of the morning is a reminder that God is the creator. 

God, your uttermost being fills the earth, the whole universe and beyond. Thank you for this new beginning to start over and to learn from yesteryear. God, may I always know who you are: a breath of fresh air on a crisp, fresh morning, well, except for the scent of the skunk you brought to wake me up. You brought the smell of that one-white-striped animal to focus on you as a reminder that you created it all.

(Written on June 17, 2015  at  4:45 am)

I think I should go back to bed

I get out of bed on June 13, 2015 when I wake up to the sound of the rooster crow.  No I don't live near any roosters.  It's just the sound blaring from my alarm on my smart phone.

I walk to the bathroom,  and notice that there is a lot of water on the floor by the toilet. I clean it up and I can't seem to find out where the toilet is leaking but I will find out later that it may be that it's from underneath the toilet.

I walk to my cat,  pick him up and then notice this 92 yr old cat just pooped on me. Yuck. So I go clean (and umm sanitize) my arm. He must not be feeling well,  because he usually uses the kitty litter box.

I decide to cook breakfast.  Realizing my stomach does better if I only eat the egg whites,  I attempt to separate them.  Half of the egg white ended up on the floor. So I clean that up.  Then I get the other egg and attempt to separate it by letting the egg white slide to the other half of one that's in the bowl.  Ugh,  part of the yolk falls in the bowl,  so I try to fish for it and throw it in the garbage disposal.  The next thing I know is that part of the egg white fell into the sink. Oh well, I pour what's left of the egg whites in the bowl into the frying pan to cook. (notice to readers: I do know how to separate eggs,  it's just one of those mornings).

Then I get my gluten-free bread out and noticed that the brand new bread I just bought is missing a half of a slice of bread.  I thought that maybe I dropped the other half of the slice.  Nope, it's no where to be found.  I decide to get two whole slices of bread out   and pop them in the toaster.

While the eggs are cooking,  I grab the toast and burn my thumb from the inside of the toaster.  (If you have ever seen gluten free bread,  for some reason they make them smaller.)

I place my cooked Canadian bacon and buttered gluten free toast on a plate.  I add the egg whites, as well.
Due to fibro fog,  I couldn't understand why my eggs didn't look like much. Oh yeah,  it's because I ended up with 2 halves of 2 egg whites because the rest was in the sink and on the floor.

I bring my food to the table.  Then I go to the kitchen and get a glass of ice cold water from the fridge.  As I walk from the kitchen to the table,  I take a drink of the refreshing water, some of it ends up down my shirt. Brrr it's cold.

I finally sit down to eat my breakfast.  It was good but for some reason I feel exhausted.  I have only been up for one hour; I feel like I should go back to bed.

A Turnaround Can Happen*

Imagine a man walking down a dusty road on a hot day. He has sweat coming off his brow and beard. His clothes are dusty and could use a little bit of a cleaning due to the mixture of dirt and sweat. This man is Saul who is known for being a tremendous persecutor to the followers and disciples of Jesus. (Jesus was the one who lived on earth for 33 years, was persecuted, died, and defeated the grave by rising again. This Jesus is God, the son of God).  Anyone who follows Jesus stays clear away from Saul but he doesn't care. He loves the mission he is on to find more prospects in Damascus.

All of a sudden, a light shines down from heaven and a voice starts speaking. Saul was probably shaking in his bones with fear and maybe about to pee his pants (or tunic). Jesus tells him that He is Jesus and wants to know why he is persecuting him. Saul trembles but doesn't answer that question and wants to know what he is supposed to do next. Jesus tells him to go into the city and that he would be told what to do.

He was not alone; there were men with him who heard this voice of Jesus also, but didn't see anyone. They were totally speechless and didn't question that voice they heard. When Saul got up off that dusty road, he could no longer see. He could have been defiant and have the guys help him walk the other way, but he didn't. He chose to obey Jesus and had the men guide him into the city of Damascus.

The only thing Saul could see was darkness in his vision for three days. The reason he might not have eaten or drank was because he was probably freaked out.  If he believed this was Jesus, then he knew that he was probably in some kind of trouble because he had been persecuting people who followed this Jesus.  Jesus could have ended Saul's life right then and there or have other people persecute Saul, but he didn't do that. When Saul was alone in darkness, I wonder if he had guilt and felt remorse. Did he have reoccurring thoughts of all the people he had persecuted? Did he see each of their faces and names? Maybe he was having anxiety for he realized what he had done to all those innocent people.

Jesus speaks to Ananias through a vision to help Saul. When Jesus first told him that he was to help Saul, he was deeply afraid because this guy Saul hurts and murders "Jesus' followers." He was probably thinking, "Jesus, are you out of your mind. Saul kills people like me. He hates You and people who love you." He declined the offer yet Jesus persuaded him by telling him that this guy Saul is a person that he is choosing and he will show him the things he will suffer. I don't know if that helped Ananias listen to Jesus more knowing that Saul would suffer, yet Ananias decides to obey Jesus and visit Saul. As Ananias touches Saul, his vision restores and he receives an added bonus.  He becomes filled with the Holy Spirit.

Saul spends times with the disciples, gets his nourishment and strength back, and starts preaching right away. Wow, talk about a miracle, a conversion, and an encounter with God all rolled into one.
Even though Saul started following Jesus, people wanted to kill him.  They didn't trust him because of his past. Just a few days prior, Saul wanted to kill people, so how could they believe what he said now. Was he telling the truth?

Saul had to prove to others that he was now a Jesus' follower. Others were watching him to see how he acted and treated people...It did take time, but people started trusting him and forgave him. He had to show them that God really changed his life....


In Acts 9:1-20



Photo by Expressive Praise

Brain Fog vs Chronic illness*

You may have Fibromyalgia or other chronic illness if:

You went into a room, and can't remember why you were in there.

You show up to your appointment, and find out you are there on the wrong day.

You know more than the doctors do.

You bring a 5 foot long list of all your symptoms to your doctor's visit.

You eat a bowl of cereal because you are too tired to cook.

You feed your cat (or other pet) and you are too tired to feed yourself, so you sit down on the recliner to restore your energy.

You do your laundry, and then you have to relax the rest of the day because of exhaustion.

You are thrilled to go grocery shopping because that means you got out of the house.

You can identify with seniors and their aches and pains.

You complain more about your aches and pains than the seniors do.

You pick one major thing to do in a day like doing laundry, shopping or exercising. (If you do two of them, you should be proud of yourself yet you may be about to collapse so hang on tight. If you do all three, there's a flareup coming soon.)

You do your laundry, you discover that you have only worn pajamas and comfy clothes all week.

You can't talk in complete sentences half the time.

You struggle to remember what you were talking about.

You totally get distracted.

You wake up in the morning, crawl to the recliner, and take a nap.

You eat breakfast and then take a nap.

You drive and get lost in your neighborhood.

You shop to find the comfiest clothes and pajamas.

You wear comfy shoes or slip-ons.  

You go out and do something fun, then your body is inflamed for 3 days.

You ask a person a question, then a few moments later, you have to ask them again because you forgot what they answered.

You go grocery shopping, and then you are too tired to cook, or eat afterwards.

You think curling up on the couch and watching TV is an exciting evening.

Hugs to all of you who can identify with what I wrote above. Remember You are not alone.

Friends Forever Passing Into Eternity*

It's not the best job that will be remembered most, or the clothes a person wears....It's usually the friends or family that come our way....Yet life somehow takes them away when you least expect it..Friends may move away. Some lose communication...and some may even pass through to eternity.
It's just a part of life yet it can be hard to deal with, at times. I couldn't figure out why I have felt sad in spurts, recently, but then I realized I have dealt with a lot of losses in the past 17 months. So I guess I have a reason for these emotions I feel...Yet I do know that I need to get out of the sadness and into focusing differently. I have had to turn on funny movies or videos, watch clean comedy shows, listen to uplifting music, and keep myself motivated because losses can get a person down...

Seven people I know, plus a neighbor's dog that I loved, passed away in this season of my life. I have to focus on the great memories and what I learned from them so the sadness and grieving process would minimize. I want to share with you something from each.

There was Lois Arneson. She was one of those ladies who treated everyone with love and kindness. She would call me "dear little one" for about 13 years.  She was like a grandmother to me. She has a special place in my heart for she showed me who God was by her actions. . The love, the care, and the kindness was truly genuine...I love her lots and miss her. She has written me many times in the years I have known her. I appreciated when she sent me Christmas cards and birthday cards with poems attached to them.  I cherish the letters, cards, blankets and other items she sewed for me.

Roy Vasquez.  He taught me to minister and show love to various types of people.  He was a former neighbor and was a big brother to me. He would call me "Tiny Tot," I think it was because I am short and it was close to Tater Tot. I sure do miss that brother of mine. At that time,  his brother Bobby and another brother, I can't seem to remember the name) started calling me "t-bone...I guess you can say that Roy's family loved Food.
I enjoyed helping Roy in various activities and ministries, such as:the prayer ministry, and the Water Splash Extravaganza. My only regret, is that I couldn't get a hold of him the last year when he was dying. I wish I could have seen him. Yet I am thankful for the last conversation I had with him a year before he died. He is one family member I will never forget, as you see, he was "my brother from another mother," as he would say.


Katie, a neighbor. I will learn from her boldness and I will always remember her beautiful smile. She taught me that when you go through tough pain, it's okay to smile. She was Aunt Katie to everyone who know her. I appreciate the talks we had, especially toward the end of her life and how she allowed me to pray with her during some painful days. I was so impressed that a women of her age (80 or 90 something) would be online. We laughed a lot when I was trying to fix her internet connection because her computer was in the bedroom and the modem was in the living room for some reason. So I kept running back and forth, wearing myself out, as the Verizon Tech, on the phone, kept telling me to push the buttons on the modem and the computer when it wasn't working right. Funny memories. I miss you, Aunt Katie...

Charlotte, a neighbor- I didn't know her that well, but I did watch her get around. She silently taught me that even though she was going blind the last couple of years, she still kept on going.

Bill Hammontree- a friend.  He was a man who loved to help people and showed kindness. Him and his wife would help me with rides I needed to church, at times. I am grateful to be apart of their kindness. I am one of many, they have helped give rides to church.

Bill Faulkner- a man with a great sense of Humor...I miss joking with him on facebook and church events. He was one of those guys that just made you laugh. I enjoyed his humor over the ten years that I have known him.

...then there was little Taffy, I miss my neighbor's dog who died last year. She was also apart of my life as well. I used to take her on walks and pet her many times each week for over 3 years. It's so nice how a dog can show you much love. Some may say, that it's just a dog. I say they are wrong, because a pet, can be a family member.



My dear Friends that left this earth. You will not be forgotten....you have left fingerprints on my heart.

I had written this blog about a week ago, then I found out yesterday that another friend of mine died this week or last. Her name is Virginia Thornburg. Virginia was a sweet, little lady; she was the one who started my nickname about fifteen years ago. She would see me in the foyer on Tuesday mornings. I was helping with the youth office work and she was leading the ladies Tuesday bible studies in the morning. She had a hard time remembering my name so she would associate my petite-ness with my name and call me "Teenie Tiny Tanya."  Then sure enough, others started calling me that, but then it was shortened to "Triple T (by Jon Llera)."  and then eventually I got the nickname "Teensie" which people continue to call me and I even started this blog called "Teensy Tidbits". These nicknames all started because of lovable Virginia. I am grateful for the times we have talked on the phone. I eventually started going to the ladies Bible Study that she taught and gained a lovable friendship. Her late husband was also dear to me. He was like a spiritual father; he would call me his daughter. I miss the both of them.

Thankyou for listening.

Understanding Fibromyalgia*

On behalf of all the people I know who has fibromyalgia and other debilitating chronic illness, I want to describe a little bit of what these people who have these illness deal with.

People tend to not understand ones who have fibromyalgia unless they have it themselves. It is hard to explain to people who don't have it...Yet the best way I can communicate it to others is how I feel with fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia feels like having the flu twenty-four hours a day, 7 days a week. I do know that everyone who has fibromyalgia may not have it as bad as I do, yet this will help you understand it a little better.

Think about the last time you had the flu or stomach virus. How did you feel? When someone has the flu, they feel weak and have little to no energy, where they can barely pick themselves up off the couch. They have feelings of nausea at times and deal with bowel problems. Their appetite changes and certain foods can make them feel more sick. Their temperature changes and they may feel like they have a fever. They can be really cold and shivering or really hot. It feels like their bones and muscles aches so bad...and may even cramp up. Their body has indescribable pain and they feel miserable and may feel down and not happy. Their stomach hurts so bad and nothing will really satisfy it. They are exhausted and need to rest. Their head may hurt; their eyes maybe sensitive to light, and ears sensitive to noise. When someone is sick they can not think as clearly, their brain feels numb and words may feel garbled when they try to speak. When they have the flu, the person tends to stay home, not socialize, and not feel like talking.  And they may want to cuddle up with a blanket and stare at the walls or the Television. 

These are "some" of the same symptoms that I deal with regarding fibromyalgia. I have lack of energy; my bones and whole body aches. I have food, medicine, and other sensitivities. There are times I can't pick myself up off the chair or floor.  The pain is so bad yet I know that I have to keep moving so I make myself stretch, exercise, or walk around to get my body from not becoming stiff or in more pain. Eating certain foods make me sick and I have tried so many medications, herbs, and supplements, and natural remedies but have had so many bad reactions to them so I can only do so much.  I do not take medication for Fibromyalgia because of the bad symptoms I have endured with taking those meds. (Some people with fibro can function more because they can take the meds for fibro). Also the exhaustion is tremendous but with fibro it's hard to get a good night sleep and get refreshed. When trying to speak, that's a different story. What you may call brain fog, we call "fibro fog," People with fibro have a hard time to remember things, think clearly, and words and sentences are twisted in our head before we try to speak. 

I have learned to live with fibromyalgia. I deal with the daily symptoms, yet if I complain about the pain, it's because it's worse than the day to day pain I endure that I have grown accustomed to.  When I smile, it may be because I am pushing through how I really feel; I made it out of the house; I watched America's Funniest Videos to get me out of my slump; I am glad to see you, AND/OR it could be that God gave me a boost of peace and strength. I have to do what I can to keep my mind from going crazy with all this pain. I make sure I am reading my Bible, communicating with God, watching my church live on Sundays, and watch sermons or teachings throughout the week to keep me spiritually in tune with God. I watch funny videos or movies and try to find the things to laugh about through my circumstances to keep my spirits up.  I try to keep in contact with at least three people a day to keep me connected with people.  Plus I work on my artwork, creative writings and lead an online fibromyalgia support group ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/fibroBandS/ ) and pain management group ( https://www.facebook.com/teensytidbits ) on facebook to keep me active. This road I live is not easy, but I do what I can to keep going forward.

I have heard so many people with fibro tell others that their friends, co-workers, or families don't understand what they are going through and they think they are lazy, they need to get out more, be more active, lost weight, be more productive, etc... so that they will get better and their fibromyalgia will disappear or minimize...This is not the case.. We are still waiting for a cure.

Just think of the last time you had the flu...How did you feel? Did you still do everything you did before you were sick?  Did you eat the same way, act the same way, and have the same energy? When you had the flu, were you exercising a lot, eating meat and potatoes, going out to concerts, or did you call off of work for a sick day, eating soup, and curl up on the couch or hug a toilet? lol

Please be more patient and understanding of people who deal with fibromyalgia....they deal with more than you ever now....They need your encouragement, love, and strength.

Please share this with everyone you know so they can understand fibro better.

A Beautiful Hawk*

I was so fascinated by this hawk that was flying toward my 3rd story window..
and coming closer and closer.
It was awesome to see this beautiful creature
until I saw what he was holding.....
his lunch...
....a rat....
 a long rat's tail hanging and poking though the claws of the hawk.
The hawk let me peak at the rodent.
Eeeeewwwww that just grossed me out and gave me the creeps.....
he came up to my window to give me a great view
and swooped over to the roof....

I heard there is a hawk nest behind my apartments.
For some reason, I didn't feel like finishing my breakfast

Teensy Tidbits is here to stay*

A year ago, I decided to divide my blog and make two blogs. One was for my creative writings "Expressive praise" and the other one to encourage others on debilitating chronic pain "Teensy Tidbits for Managing Pain."  It wasn't working as well for me so I am going back to just writing one blog.


Stay on this blog site because this is the one I will continue to do my creative writing and show my artwork...


Thank you for coming with me on this adventure and chapter of my life.

Are you content?*

What makes you happy, content, and joyful? People always say the grass looks greener on the other side. Why is that? Why do we tend to want things that we don't have? Or if we are single, we may want to be married...if we are married, we may want to be single...if we have short, straight hair, we want long, curly hair? Why are we like that???
Try to be content who you are... I know it may not always be easy,  but find happiness where you are.  Do not look at what others have or do.  Do the best you can with what you have.  It's good to set goals for a better life,  but find that happy medium on the way there,

God Used a Cricket to *Save My Life*

In December of 2014, I was having problems with feeling very weak and nauseated. I do deal with Fibromyalgia (Fibro) and a list of other health issues so feeling weak and nauseated is not new to me. Even Fibro sometimes feels like the flu. Yet this was weird because I couldn't get up off the floor of my lounge pad on that Monday.  Usually I can go about doing things a little at a time, but something was different this time.  I thought that it was just another health issue I have to endure so it didn't really bother me too much. On Tuesday,  I felt a little better but I could barely do my laundry. I just sat by the dryer and pulled out the clothes and threw them over my head to the table because I was too weak to get up. I didn't even fold all of them. I don't normally act like this.

On Wednesday, I saw a cricket in my kitchen. I don't like crickets because I have a hard time sleeping with the sounds they make of chirping or chiming in the middle of the night.  I tried to catch it with a cup I found nearby, yet it hopped to the back of the stove.  Grrr, I thought. I am never going to be able to get it. As it hopped behind the stove, I leaned toward the wall to see if I could see it.  All of a sudden I smelled gas coming from behind the stove.

I immediately called the gas company, and sure enough the gas repairman confirmed the gas leak coming through the regulator of my stove.  As he was fixing it, I looked around, behind, and under the stove to locate the cricket, but no luck. After the repairman left, I opened the windows and felt fresh air fill my lungs immediately. I even noticed that my cat Buttons was walking around more after I opened the windows.

The next day I saw the cricket hopping out of the kitchen. I ran to catch him because I didn't want him in my bedroom making those cricket sounds. Yet I felt sorry for him. Poor little guy; I didn't hear him make a peep the night before. He probably felt sick, too, due to the gas leak. It was because of him that I smelled the gas leak, so I decided to capture that little guy and bring him back to the good outdoors where he belonged.  I walked down the three flights of stairs, opened the door, and released him. I gave him a second chance as I got one too.

God sent that little cricket to save my life and also my cat's life. If I didn't see him hop near the back of the stove, I wouldn't have known I had a gas leak.  I have heard people say that animals (cats and dogs) have warned people when danger was close by. God must have a sense of humor, because he sent me a cricket.

ART is a Good Distraction*

Wow, I can't believe I haven't touched this blog since September of last year.  I have been working on artwork to keep my mind off of physical pain which is a good distraction, I might add. Yet I guess the fibro fog kicked in and I forgot about my blogging that I love to do.
I am a member of the local art gallery and try to keep myself motivated to have something brought in the gallery every 5 weeks.  There was a funny moment about my artwork, In November or December, I was feeling a little delirious and not well yet I didn't have anything new to put in the gallery. I felt very weak and wasn't in my right mind. I went through some old sketches I did in ink when I was around 13 years old and threw one in a frame. I put $25 on it and displayed it in the gallery.  It even had my assignment grade of a "B" on it and the class number....I didn't think anything of it until I got a call from the gallery saying that someone bought it...I thought "Yikes, I really didn't want to sell it because it was from when I was a kid." I did take a picture of it so I would have a copy of it but I had to reset my camera phone and it totally erased that picture amongst others. So that was bye bye picture.

EYE in the STORM

I did enter a piece "Eye in the Storm" in a photography art show. First, people were just passing my picture by, but then I started interacting with them to get them interested. It worked.  People were literally sitting on the floor trying to figure out what my picture was. It was too funny. This picture is actually of me holding a glass of water that the light of the sun made the water glisten. I thought it looked so cool, so I took a picture and put it on facebook (FB) and asked people what they thought it was.  That is when I started a game on FB called "Tanya's Picture Game," which I still do.

Pilgrimage to Zion

I also had worked on another painting "Pilgrimage to Zion" for about 4 months minus the one month I took off for Christmas. My apartment is too small to have an average size Christmas tree and work on a painting at the same time.  I finally finished it in February. It was so great to finish it, yet it was so hard to let it go when I gave it to the new owner. My paintings are kind of like my babies because I put so much time and energy into them. I also had someone ask me to restore an old photo. I have never done that before so that was fun and a new challenge.

Eucalyptus Trees

Every year for the art gallery they have a Multi Medium Mini (MMM) Art show in March. I have been disappointed each year because I haven't been accepted.  I started asking what the other artists are doing and I learned from their techniques and what equipment they use. I decided  that I really need to improve my artwork abilities and supplies. This year, being very nervous, yet I pushed through the rejection I felt in the past and entered the MMM art show, I was finally accepted into the MMM Art show this week, where the "Eucalyptus Trees" is displayed. It felt good yet I did feel bad for the ones who didn't make it in because I know how hard it is when one's work is not accepted.

I am so grateful to God that He has given me this talent that I have been working at wholeheartedly in my middle aged life. Yikes, Yes It's hard to say that I am middle aged, but it's the truth. I have been there for awhile but didn't like to admit it.  I focused on my writing abilities most of my life and took a few art classes in elementary and middle school but I didn't think I was any good, yet now to see my art abilities grow, is truly an amazing experience and I do thank God.

Here is my link to my art portfolio that I am working on continually: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1380021952284491.1073741829.100008300975340&type=1&l=07061a5251


artwork is by me, "Expressive Praise"

Look Forward in this Life of Pain*

Wow what have I been doing for the last five months that I haven't even touched my blogs.  I know I have been doing a lot of taking care of the physical pain that I endure.
I have been trying to focus on my artwork to distract me from the pain, yet at times, it just wears me out that I can't do what I want to do, when I want to do it. If you suffer from chronic pain, you will totally understand what I am talking about.


In October I started working on a painting which I finished in February. It is called, Pilgrimage to Zion. This painting has different people on their journey to Zion (Heaven). There are all sorts of people there. Ones who are happy, sad, depressed, rejoicing, etc...I even added a person in a wheelchair who is struggling and feeling all alone. I know a lot of people in physical pain, including myself, may not be in a wheelchair but it's the universal symbol that a person in a wheelchair has physical problems. So I added it to symbolize all of us who may be struggling physically. We each need that eternal goal to help us on this earth. We hunger for something to even fulfill our spiritual appetite.

I have learned to lean on our Heavenly Father God to get me through the life I live, in this tremendous pain in my body.  I know that God can give you that strength too. He might not heal you but He will help you deal with it all.  I pray for healing, yet I learn to be content with all that was given to me. I know it is not easy and I know that God may never heal me yet I keep going forward.
I deal with Fibromyalgia, Severe TMJ which I need a jaw replacement surgery but there aren't any good results yet. I deal with Headaches that lead to migraines. I have anywhere from IBS to feet problems, to neck problems, to sensitivity in my ears where I can't be around a lot of noise, which also means I am unable to go to church often because of the noise levels. (I have found a church that I can do online live each Sunday).  Even as I am writing this, I am in tremendous jaw and head pain that is radiating through to my neck all because I visited a store that had loud music on. It overwhelmed my senses even with earplugs in, and now I am fighting a migraine. I am only telling you all this so that you will understand what I deal with and you may realize I may identify with you. Through all this pain I go through, I have to keep my focus on God and keep my focus on the eternal life of Heaven. If I don't keep my focus then all this pain can be overwhelming. In Heaven there isn't any pain or suffering, and I take pleasure in it. I can't wait for that beautiful day where there is no more pain in my body and that I can see God face to face without any filters.