Calmness in the Night *

TO DO LIST:
*Do change of address (check)...
*Buy groceries (check)...
*Call Verizon (check)...
*Secure and tie down rabbit cage and plants...

I woke up at 2:40 a.m. and jumped out of bed when I heard the effects of the high winds. The day before I had looked at the Weather forecast online and it didn't mention high winds. Daily I had been keeping a mental note that I needed to tie down the rabbit cage and my outside plants before the high winds start up yet I kept procrastinating. I didn't want my rabbit cage (along with my rabbit) to blow away with the gusty winds we get over here.

I ran downstairs, grabbed some scissors and rope and jetted for the rabbit cage. My plants were blowing frantically and swaying crazily. A nearby heavy object flies past me along with some other debris. The wind takes my long, brown hair and circles it like a tornado and twists it into a complete mess. The leaves cling onto the trees, not wanting to let go. It was a chaotic circus of events that affected natures quiet time.

Swoosh, whirl, boom are the noises all around me. A distant tree bark that was long in length collides with my forehead. After I look around at the surroundings,
I decide to take a peak at my velvety rabbit under the blue, torn tarp that had been covering his cage. Precious, which is the name I gave my precious rabbit, was completely calm and at peace, in his little shelter I had made for him. He looked like he was a rabbit in a hole or even a cave protected from the outside world. Precious was just sitting there munching on his rabbit food as though nothing was going on around him.

I decided that I should still secure the rabbit cage. I took some white rope to hold down the metal cage, and then I paused. I look up and I saw the most beautiful sky above me. It was so clear, yet deep and dark. It portrayed peace and calmness above. The winds had emptied the sky of it's fog, mist, and white puffy clouds that hide the universe; for all you could see were the very things that God created. The sparkling stars were numerous in the heavens way above my head. I took a moment to say "Thank you God" and acknowledged his peacefulness.

No matter what the chaos is, God may show up with his calmness and serenity that relaxes your soul and you know without a doubt, that there is nothing greater than God Himself.

(11/11/10)
Picture by Expressive Praise

Almost Passed Him By*

After my doctor's appointment today, I walked towards the crosswalk and I noticed a man near the street. He was holding a cardboard sign that read: "Need money for food."

I didn't need to think too much about it because I thought I didn't have any money in my purse to give. Besides it's hard to tell if people are telling the truth.
As I walked passed him and pushed the black crosswalk button, I heard God quietly say: "give him the $5 in your purse."

I forgot I had that money. I had placed it in my purse yesterday to save for gas money for Sunday. I wanted to give it to my friend who will give me a ride home from church. I thought, "that money is for gas money for my friend. It's not really mine."

I heard God say, clear as day, "I will take care of your friend, you take care of this man."

I stood a distance away from him with his back toward me, and quietly reached in my purse to get the money. Then I walked back and gently placed the rolled up bill in his hand. He was surprising clean, nicely shaven, and very grateful. He was not the typical person I have seen on the street corners asking for money.

The gentleman said a genuine and polite, "Thank you. God bless you."

I looked into this gentleman's eyes as I walked away. I noticed his innocence, his sincerity. He was so appreciative.

We never know who we are helping. We never know the needs of the people we see at the street corners, especially nowadays when the economy is down. Not everyone looks like the typical "needy" person like the ones who haven't showered for days or weeks, have holes in their clothes, or maybe are homeless; or ar not the ones who do drugs or drink to get drunk. There are sincere, innocent, and appreciative people.

I was so thankful that I obeyed God; I almost just passed him by and kept walking. Thankfully God doesn't do that to me.

This is so "Precious*

I have been doing a lot of changes in my life since March 26. Trying to get all the negative junk out of my mind and be a more positive person. Trying to focus on positive stuff and not all the negative ones that I tend to dwell on. I didn't say it was easy, but I am a work in progress. I have been learning about attracting positive things and thinking in positive ways about my now, my past, and my future. I have been learning that I may attract good things by being more positive and a lot more that I may have to blog another day. Well, all this positive stuff is making me more understanding and closer to God.

Well, today God told me today: "go outside I have a surprise for you." I first thought, nah just my imagination. Then I thought okay, I will after I clean my breakfast dishes and fill up a water bottle. But I just kept hearing God say "go outside now, I have a surprise for you. I was picturing myself by my tomato plant but I went to one of my plants outside and was pinching off the dead flowers to cause more growth. While I was doing that, I had this urge to go toward my tomato plant that was on the side of the house. I walked over there, looked to see if any new strawberries have grown and then I went to my tomato plant. I knelt down and was admiring how big my tomatoes were growing. I said thank you, they are bigger since I moved the plant to this area. I thought that was my surprise.

Then my roommate comes walking through the gate adjacent her car. I watched her as she was coming towards me. I then looked under her car and spotted a black ball, the size of a soccer ball. Yet as I was staring at that ball, I kept thinking that I never saw this color of a ball in our yard. My roommate asked what I was staring at; I just told her I think there's a black ball under your car. I kept staring at it because I was confused of the ball.

To my amazement, the ball moved out of the shadow and I saw this beautiful brown bunny with remarkable ears. I leaped with joy and told my roommate. She grabbed some carrots from the house and I lured him closer to me so that I may catch him. He let me hold him.

He is so soft, with brown fur, not to mention his beautiful crystal like brown eyes. He is very gentle, calm, and tamed. He is so precious.

My roommate thought he must belong to one of the neighbors, so she called some of them, yet no one claimed him and no one knew where he belonged. As I was trying to catch the bunny, I remembered what God said, "Go outside; I have a surprise for you."

It totally made my day. I named the bunny "Precious" because it was a special gift from God. and Yes, He did surprise me.
Thank you God!!!!

On the Outside, Looking In*

I was out of town in February so I wasn't able to attend my church; I attended another one with some relatives. I jotted down some things that I thought were interesting.

hard wooden pews with no padding (reminded me of my church days in Japan in the 80's).
Wooden floor
huge stain glass individual windows (in memory of a loved one was under each window).
huge pipe organ display
I did admire the 7 foot stainglass window by the one-toilet-bathroom.


Two young boys come down in middle aisle to light the tiered candles.
A boy in a robe comes down middle aisle, holding a huge opened Bible in which he places it in the hands of the pastor.
The Pastor places the Bible on the wooden Bible stand at the front.

Pipe Organ solo.
choir sings.
Everyone stands and re-sites something from out of the bulletin.
Everyone grabs a hymn and sings the 4 whole verses.

Then they recite this for worship. It says:
The leader says: We gather as those who want to walk with you Jesus to Calvary.
The church says: We know that it was there that you stretched out your arms of love on the hard wood of the cross that everyone might come within the reach of God's saving embrace.
The leader says: so clothe us in your Spirit, O Christ, that we, in reaching forth our hands in love, may serve you in all that we do.
The church says: May we be agents of your love, doers of your will, proclaimers of your grace, workers of your justice, servants of your peace, and missionaries in your name.


Kids come up for a little illustration with a missionary from Haiti.
The missionary does her illustration of how women carry gallons of water on their head.
Children's teacher comes up and starts speaking a blessing over kids.
Then everyone starts resiting a blessing over the children.


Anyone who has a prayer or praise report is given a microphone to speak.
Pastor then says, lets be together. So I bow my head as I assumed that meant we were to pray.
The choir starts singing, the pipe organ is playing a song.
The Pastor prays for all the needs then the church immediately says the Lords Prayer.
As soon as we say amen, the choir sings a verse.

Then the golden offering plate comes my way and it's so heavy I help a lady carry it to the next person who is on our same pew.
The plate is brought to the front and we all say a prayer over it (which is on power point).
After the missionary speaks again, immediatlely everyone stand to their feet and sings another hymn.

The pastor starts preaching and then everyone sings a song while the 3 young boys in robes come up the aisle again. This time the boy gets the open Bible from the pastor's hands and the the young boys all in robes snuffs out the candles. All three boys go down the middle aisle along with the pastor and missionary right behind them.
We are still singing. Then everyone says a loud AMEN.

Even though I was a little confused of when to recite things, sing, or stand up, or sit down, I am glad for the experience. It was very interesting, and I have to admit, I did do a lot of chuckling. It was a lot different then what I am used to.

All end with a quote from The Missionary:
"Every human being is a human being."

They also said: we got to GO where we got to GO and DO what we got to DO.

What is Real Forgiveness?*

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in church listening to a sermon called "What God was saying at the cross." I thought it would be the same kind of sermon you hear around Easter time when he was betrayed, tortured, whipped, crucified, etc... Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all that Jesus did and I need the reminders of what he did. It's just this time, something was said that I never really thought about.

I've always heard, and even read about, what happened before Jesus was on the cross. There were those 12 disciples and even three of them were Jesus' close amigos (Peter, James, and John). The amigos seemed to spend a lot of time with him. He walked with them, spent time with them, he had them close by when he was at the garden praying a heart wrenching prayer. They were always there...

I've always heard (and read) that Peter denies Jesus three times. Yet that is not the end of the story.

I believe that Peter loved Jesus. That was his friend, his mentor, his coach, his counselor...

Yet Jesus told Peter that Peter would deny him three times. Peter says: No way Jose, I would never do that. Jesus tells him that after he will do it three times, a rooster would crow. He probably thought: yah right, that's never going to happen.

Judas betrays Jesus by placing him in the hands of the soldiers; Peter stood up and tried to protect him. Well, I think that is what he was doing when he sliced the soldiers ear off. I think putting the sword in his heart might have done more damage, but hey the guy stopped doing what he was doing because he was in pain from his ear being sliced off. Even though, Jesus picks up the bleeding ear, and miraculously heals the soldier, I still believe that Peter showed that he loved Jesus, even though he should not have hurt the man.

So here we are later, Peter is nearby when Jesus is being accused, betrayed, etc... Peter had to be hurting so much to know that his friend Jesus was going through some really tough times that were about to get worse. Three people ask Peter if he knows this Jesus, and three times, he says no. (Wow, his good friend is being hurt and he says that he doesn't even know Jesus. They ask if he has spent time with him and he won't admit to spending time with his close friend and his soon to be savior.)

Maybe Peter was afraid that he would be tortured also. So three people ask Peter; three times, Peter denies him. Just for a moment, it's quiet, the earth stands still, and the rooster crows. Peter feels his skin crawling, and this chilling shiver runs down his back. He realized what he has done. This uncontrollable, heart wrenching painful sorrow bursts out of him. He remembers what Jesus said earlier, and he sobs in remorse. He realizes what he did. He betrayed Jesus. Jesus was at one of his weakest hours of his life He needed his friends to be there for them. BUT not one was there at his side.

Jesus dies, miraculously resurrects, and comes back to his disciples which are some of his good friends. He sees Peter. Peter sees Jesus. (I wonder what Peter is feeling at this very moment. Jesus could have said: in my weakest hour, you were not there for me. You abandoned me. You left me. You knew what I would go through, and you didn't even have the audosity to say you know me. What kind of friend are you? You really hurt me. I will never talk to you again. I am taking you out of any ministry and I do not forgive you. You may walk away;don't ever speak to me or ask for me,because I will not come. Jesus didn't say any of this to Peter.

Three times, Jesus calls his name in the most loving voice: "PETER" and talks to him and restores him. Jesus showed so much love to Peter and allowed him to feel this unconditional love. He restores him and leads him into ministry. WOW!!! What a testimony! What love!

Wow, have you ever thought about how someone you know has really hurt you. They might have done some horrible things to you. I thought I had forgiven some people all these years, but I was wrong. I didn't have true forgiveness in my heart. I honestly didn't know how to have it, but something clicked when I heard this sermon a few weeks ago and it has changed my life forever. I understand forgiveness so much more. I have been forgiven and I have forgiven others.

Thank you God, for sending me people to speak your words to my heart. I gave my life to Jesus at an early age of eleven and I stuck to what I was taught, yet I never truly understood what forgiveness was really all about, until now. I now understand true freedom, true forgiveness, and being transformed and having a newness of mind. I get it now. God, thank you for rescuing my soul.

My New Life*

Lord, my new life you planned for me;
I'm so excited and anticipating it to be
so much better with so much more joy.

This new life is what you have planned for me.
This joy, this peace, this love,
you have always wanted for me,
yet I never gripped it before.

Oh Lord, this new life
is so beyond my imagination, my dreams, and my hopes.
It's purely what you wanted for me.

Thank you Jesus for your love, your hope, your joy
and thank you for starting this restoration like never before.
Only through your love, your grace, and your peace
have I changed beyond what I could imagine.

Please help me grasp it all.
All the blessings you want for me.
Give me the strength to achieve my new goals
and give me the wisdom to understand all
that I need to change in my new life.


This new life, new hopes, and new dreams
are here because I understand the cross so much more
and because of the vessels you brought in my path.
Thank you God for restoring my soul,
and getting me out of the pit of hell.

I could not have done it without your love
and the vessels you sent my way to help.
I no longer feel unloved, ashamed or pity
for you have rescued my soul.

Thank you for the cross,
for giving up yourself in an unworthy manner,
for being unselfish, for being God.

This is what it means to be free
to be totally forgiven
and truly loved.

Lord I get it now, I understand.
Thank you for my new life,
new concepts, and my new adventure.
Thank you for giving me a second chance.

(Thank you God for renewing me March 26, 2010)

Saying Goodbye*

I am saying goodbye to the American dream I once dreamed. The one where you have a husband, 2.3 kids, a home. The dream where you are a full-time mommy or have a full time job out of the house (or both). The American dream where you have enough finances to take care of your family, a vehicle, the housing expenses, and whatever else life throws at you. I am saying goodbye to good health and to wellness. This is the American Dream I have never experienced, and may never will. I am not saying goodbye to the fact it may never happen. I am saying goodbye for the losses in my life that I never knew in my past and I am opening the doors to new opportunities.

I say goodbye to my precious children I thought I would have many years ago. I say good bye to your laughter, the changing of your diapers, to the sleepless nights of hearing you cry for food or to be held. I say goodbye to bringing my newborn baby home with me. I say goodbye to seeing you as a baby grow into the toddler years. I say goodbye to watching you as you have your hands into everything, like the pots and pans you discovered in the lower cabinet. I say good bye to your giggles, to the new discoveries you would have found, and to all the endless hours I would have spent teaching you about life and God.

I say goodbye to the tears in your eyes that I would have wiped away or to the scrapes and cuts I would have kissed. I say goodbye to your tearful first day of school to your day of graduation. I say good bye to your accomplishments, talents, and fun you would have had.

I say goodbye to your teenage years. I say goodbye to the nights I would have felt your heartache of your broken relationships that you would have encountered. I say goodbye to helping with your homework night after night and also say goodbye to the times I would have had to discipline you. I say goodbye, my dear children for the love I would have given you and the love you would give me in return.

I say good bye to your joys, your sorrows, your happiness, your frustrations, your sadness, and your excitements, my dear little ones, that you would have experienced. I say goodbye to you my dear children.

I say goodbye to the husband of my younger years. I say goodbye to the wedding I thought I would plan and even to the honeymoon you might have planned. I say goodbye to the times we would get to know each other and I say goodbye to even the frustrations of marriage. I say goodbye to the countless years we would have spent together loving each other and worshipping God together. I say goodbye to the arguments, joys, disappointments, excitements, and the frustrations we would have experienced together over and over again. I say goodbye to you as a godly father to my children and a godly husband to me. I say goodbye to your love, your friendship, and to the nights you would have slept by my side. I say goodbye to the times you would be at work when I wished you were at home and I say goodbye to the times you were at home and I wished you were at work. I say goodbye to our love. I say goodbye, my dear husband.

I say goodbye to good health. I say goodbye to all the years I would have not spent at the doctors office. I say goodbye to energy, pain free days, great health, and wellness. I say goodbye to feeling well, vibrant, and healthy. I say goodbye to good health.

As I have written my goodbyes, I say hello to more opportunities that God will give me and I will experience. I had to say goodbye to the American Dream that has made me sorrowful for many years of not experiencing it. I say goodbye to the American dream that people have lived if they liked it or not. I say goodbye. I look forward to the things in life that may change my life forever. I look forward to the time of spending more time with God. I look forward to the hopes and new dreams that God puts on my heart. I look forward...

My Usual Doctor's Appointments*

Sometimes it just feels good for me to write things out; it is very therapeutic. So here it goes:

The questions you may be tired of answering at the doctor's office and how sometimes you may want to reply but don't because you are too polite.

My sarcastic appointments:


Name? on chart
Medical #? on chart
Age? I am a month older than the last time you asked.
Weight? 110 lbs. (give or take on a lot of factors)
Sex? None of your business (lol) Female/Male? If you can't tell that I am female, you really are the one who needs the doctor
Pulse? yes
Height? Still 5ft (haven't changed since the last time you asked)

Procedures? Read attached medical file
Surgeries? Minor surgery, had 4 teeth pulled out at once
When did you have your last period? Excuse me, that is my business.
Are you Sexually Active? No
Are you pregnant? No, I just said I am not sexually active
Are you sure you are not pregnant? Yes
How sure are you that you are not pregnant? I am a 100% sure
Hmmm? You are kidding me, right?

Are you on any Medications? Yes, remember all the ones you prescribed. Actually, please read attached list
Why are you here? Because I am in excruciating pain everywhere.
Are you in any Pain? Yes, Everywhere
Where abouts is your pain? I just said, it's everywhere
Would you say your pain is all over your body? yes
On a scale of one to ten, how bad is your pain? It's a 10.
Where is this pain that is at a 10? everywhere.
What does your pain feel like? It's excruciating.
So would you say your pain is discomforting? No, I said it is excruciating.
So would you say it is throbbing, sharp, or dull? Who cares; it hurts!
Any sudden bowel changes? None ya business. Do I talk to you about your bowel movements?
Any other medical conditions? Yes, read attached medical resume.
Do you see any other specialists? Yes, the ones the doctor referred me to. Hello are you losing your mind? Please read attached medical resume.
When did you have your last blood work done? The info is in the chart you are holding.

Then the doctor comes in and asks:
"What can I do for you today?"

uggghh

A Chuckle with God*

So I am up this morning and it's 3:30 am. I have been awake for about half an hour without sleep. (Yes,I am using up a "spoon" already. If you don't understand, request last post). As I hobble to use the restroom, I look up at my wall and read a mini silver plague that I put on my wall. It's actually a Christmas ornament that I bought a week ago at Walmart for 75% percent off. Hey, that's a bargain: it was only 74 cents, so that was a gift, in itself. Woohoo!!!

The mini plague says:

"Trust - We know and rely on the love God has for us John 4:16."

I decided to look up the scripture. I know I have heard that saying before, but I wanted to make sure it was scriptural. As an adult, I realized a lot of things I thought was in the Bible, were just sayings people had said.

I look up John 4:16. It says, "He told her,'Go, call your husband and come back.'" I just laughed. So many people had that ornament hanging on their tree and thinking that the relying on God verse was John 4:16. I just laughed. Still chuckling. too funny. lol.

It also reminded me of several years ago, when my niece Jennifer was little. We were in my room and she wanted me to read a verse from the Bible. I asked her which one did she want me to read. We decided to play a game; she would point to a verse, and I would read it. The first verse we came upon was John 4:16. I think in a different translation it said, "Go get your husband." We both just laughed. Knowing that I am not married and her and I wanted that dream to be fulfilled one day, we just roared in laughter. It was a memory that I will cherish with my niece.

To continue with the ornament verse, I had to find out where that verse was. I looked up 1 John 4:16:

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."  

So the quote on my ornament was in the book of "First John" and not the gospel book of "John"....too funny

I might have got up early due to insomnia, but I had a chuckle with God this morning. Thank you God...

The Spoon Theory*

Yesterday, I wrote about how frustrated I have been so I did some physical activities the past two days to help me let go of the frustration. (Some of my friends said how great it was to be physically active and how I need to do more of it. Yet little do they know when a person has just one major illness it causes extreme pain, it probably is hard to get out of bed and face each morning. Not because of depression, but because one can barely move due to pain. Yet I am not that person who has just one illness).

This is Day 3, recovering from past few days: pain was so great, had a hard time getting up, let alone move my body. Waited to eat, because it took much strength to get up and get in gear. Stayed in my pj's because just moving was an accomplishment in itself. Took two naps after two hours of being awake. Had to have hot packs on my back for when I bent over, pain shot everywhere. So hot packs on neck and shoulders felt as good as the one on my back. This is just a glimpse of my day for I don't want you to read about my whole day but about this spoon theory which I read about a few minutes ago.

I didn't write the spoon theory nor do I have lupus, but I totally understand it and use the spoon theory in my personal life. If you want to know more about me or a close loved one who has some kind of pain, illness, or disability, please read it. I pray you begin to understand what we go through.

(Note: I am sending this blog to give awareness of what some people have to deal with daily.
I ask that you click on the link and read about the Spoon Theory.

The Spoon Theory:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Another Day, Another Blog*

Do you ever feel frustrated? Well I have been a bit frustrated with things that are in my life, yet out of my control. Sometimes certain circumstances happen, and you can't do anything about them except maybe pray. I seem to always flunk the test of my emotions when bad circumstances happen and I can't seem to shake it off.

Yesterday I felt I better do some active physical work or I am going to explode. I didn't know anyone who would want to pick up my pieces if I exploded, so I thought I better act fast. I went outside just to water my plants, but then I decided to rake the leaves in my front yard. Hey, I could have thought that I don't have to do this because it's not my house; I just rent a room and my room mate usually hires someone to do her yard work, so he could do it. Yet I didn't do this for my roomie; I did this for me and a feeling that God wanted me to do it.

I joyfully grabbed a rake and made some piles of leaves. Yes, It had to be God in on it, because me picking up a rake is not usually a joyful thing. Wow, I began to realize that I hadn't raked leaves since my family was in the Air Force in 1988. After my family left Texas, I mostly lived in Apartments from then on, except for my last roomie; and she hired a gardener also.

Anyway, I found it very therapeutic to rake up the leaves and reorganize my many potted plants. As I raked, I felt the tension ease off of my shoulders and seem to have fallen onto the big piles of multicolored leaves. My neighbor across the street was joking with me and said that Hell must have frozen over because I was working in the yard. I told him that IT DID. LOL -I can smile about it.

I knew that this little project I was working on wouldn't make anybody happy except for myself and that is all that mattered. As I moved the leaves, I began to see new green grass. That little carpet of grass made me smile and I guess the dogs forgot there was grass, because when they saw it, they began to enjoy it. I am glad that God was the creator of things. Because just moving the leaves to the side had uncovered the beautiful, fresh baby grass that was underneath. Just a hint of grass made me think about how God is always there. Even in the things that we don't understand, he is always there. When life throws punches, he is always there. When people are hurtful or circumstances aren't so great, he is always there.

I knew that the energy and strength it took for my weakened muscles would knock me for a loop and increase my fibro symptoms, if I did the raking, but I didn't care because it was a chance to feel God's love at work. Who would have known that raking leaves would make me feel more loved by God?


Then today I noticed I was feeling frustrated again. I thought, "I have got to get this out of my system." Yesterday's physical labor was therapeutic for me, and today I need it again. I decided to take a long walk.

As I walked to the freeway and back,I remembered the days when I was a wee little one, much smaller than I am now. There was nothing to be concerned about. It was an adventure in those days. I didn't have a care in the world, I just ate, slept, went to school, and played and played and played. Life was good, well as good as I thought it could be. I even thought that the abuse I experienced was how it was supposed to be, so everything was as good as I thought it could be. I didn't know any different.

I didn't have to worry or be concerned about paying bills, having a place to live, deciding who to vote for during campaigns, didn't have to think about jobs or illnesses or health care. I lived my life in a carefree way and my little life was dependent on my parents, their love, their care for my food, clothes, and shelter. They dressed me they way they wanted, I ate what they wanted, I lived where they lived, I went where they went.

God knows me; he seems to help me through many things that don't seem quite fair or that do not make sense. Like being in "too much pain" to not be accepted into the Chronic Pain Clinic, or being the hardest patient to many doctors because of the many chronic and silent illnesses I have, or being denied "low income housing" because of not making enough money. I don't understand all the crazy or disappointing things in my life, yet I know God does and he allows us to go through them. I almost always learn something from the circumstances in my life, yet I do not always like it, that's for sure and I do not learn fast.

I used to take many things for granted. Like just waking up and moving forward through out the day or walking in a straight line (I hope I never have to do the drunk driving test. First of all I don't drink, and 2nd I can't walk in a straight line. how do you spell vertigo? lol, oh yah, being with out a car needs to be presented too). Then there's that thing called thinking clearly. I took for granted the knowledge I could retain before I was knocked in the head 15 yrs ago. Getting up and feeling well enough to walk and get ready for church, is another. I never thought in all my years, that I would be in a position where pain was too great to get up. I took all those minor childhood to 20- somethings pains for granted, if that's possible.

Before I was ill many years ago, I didn't think about how I would get anywhere, I just went. I didn't think about the consequences of eating certain food, I ate everything (yes, even ask my family. I ate everything except seafood. I was the "Mikey of the house.") Things are different, the world spins faster, and time is challenging. Circumstances come, Circumstances go, and you learn from them. May God help us all.

Are you Okay?*

I hope you had a great day or a better-than-okay day. I actually had a rough day with health issues. Since Monday, when I had a great deal of Fibromyalgia treatment, my body has reacted in excruciating muscle spasms so it's not fun. I had those, knife-stabbing kind of pain that you just felt it would slice through your whole body, but doesn't. It feels like a knife is jabbing in and out of each part of your body sporatically. So much fun.

The chiropractor I have has helped a lot because all that he specializes in, yet the most painful treatments I have had are the electric stimulation in the ear which sends signals to the brain and different parts of my body. It hurts a lot yet in the long run it will help because it is retraining my brain that my body is not supposed to be in all this pain. I was doing real good on Monday, but then it seems everytime I take 2 steps forward, I end up taking 3 steps backwards (healthwise). so frusterating. Anyway...I made it through another day.


The good thing about having all these health issues, is that I have an opportunity to understand people who are hurting even more. I used to think that when I asked people how they were doing, and they responded by: "I am okay," I never thought anything of it.

Here is a Teensy Tidbit: When someone says he or she is okay especially if they are chronically ill, it actually means that he or she is probably having a tough time and he or she was actually able to get up in the morning, took awhile to get ready, and had a hard time getting to wherever you saw them, due to pain. They are just OKAY, they barely made it to their destination and are hanging on by a thread to not run home and jump back in bed, just to pull the covers over their head.

So if someone replies to you about how they are doing, and they just say they are okay, you may want to ask them a deeper question to understand them more of what they are going through or ask him or her if he or she needs to talk. A person is not usually doing well, when they say: "I am okay." Nine times out of ten, they really need a hug or someone to talk to.

Thanksgivng Day - funny moments*

I had a good Thanksgiving Day especially since it was peaceful and relaxing; well it didn't start that way.

I had spend the night at my sister's house; I slept on the couch. Couches are not always comfortable, but I didn't complain and I tried to fall asleep. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have sensitive ears. I could hear two clocks ticking and the water heater making some loud sounds. Then the refrigerator would run. Before I went to bed, I asked my sis if she minded if I take the battery out of the smoke detector that was upstairs and would beep once, every minute. She was surprised that I could hear that, but she knew that I have sensitive ears. Anyway, I finally fell asleep.

I wake up at 1:30 am and feel wide awake; I decide to do something productive til 3am. Then I went back and laid down. I still had a hard time sleeping and as I was about to doze off, I kept hearing footsteps and rattling sounds. Without looking up, I thought it was my sister. I ended up talking to her but she wouldn't respond. After a few minutes, I decided to get up and turn the light on. It turns out that her cat was in my sister's big purse and was digging for something. All I could see was part of his backside and a tail for the rest was in the purse.

I lured him out of it and went back to bed. I kept hearing a lot of rustling, so I get back up, turned on the light just to find the cat back in the purse. He popped his head out and pulled out a baggie with some chicken nugget pieces in a sealed Ziplock bag. I decided to just give him the chicken and put the purse in another room. The cat began to purr as he ate the nuggets and I went back to the couch.
So I guess you could say that I didn't sleep well.

My sister had the turkey in the oven by 9 am. Since I didn't sleep well, I am not in a hurry to get up. I lay on the couch watching the tiny chihuahua drag an  uncooked turkey neck across the kitchen floor to go bring it outside. All I could do was laugh. I guess the cat jumped in the sink and stole the turkey neck and jumped down, with it in his mouth. The dog was thankful. My sister takes the turkey neck from the dog and cooks it for her pets.

We ate our dinner and in the middle of watching a movie, I decide to take a break.  I walked by the dog and notice he is chomping on something that's almost the same size as himself. I bend down to look at it; it's a huge piece of ham; it's humongous. I didn't think anything of it; yet I just happened to tell my sister about it. She said that we didn't even cook ham, and she was right; I didn't even think about the fact that he was chomping on something we didn't even have in the house. So where did he get that ham since he's been in the house or inside the enclosed tiny back yard the whole day? Here's the scenario:

The only thing that could have happened was that the cat jumped onto the 6 + ft tall fence to get out of the yard which we have seen him do a lot. Either he found that great piece of ham in the dumpster or he stole it from one of our neighbors' dinner plates. LOL. It looked like it had just been sliced; maybe the ham was sliced into four pieces and someone gave him a slice. I don't know. Too funny. Can you picture this? A cat with a huge carving of ham in its mouth, climbing on top of a 6+ ft fence, and jumping onto the ground. I don't know, he might have dropped the ham a few times. So he drags it through the opened back door that leads to the kitchen and gives it to the tiny dog. I think the dog had the best Thanksgiving ever, don't you think? lol

FUNNIEST Dog-Sitting* Adventures*

I usually house sit at different friends' houses, but this time I was dog sitting, cat sitting, or maybe zoo sitting a couple of weeks ago. I was taking care of 3 cats and 5 dogs.Thankfully the tortoise was in hibernation.

One of the cats, we will name Crazy Cat, decided to have fun in the field in the back. He came in with fox tails, weeds, and dirt all over his thick fur so I spent a great amount of time picking them out of his fur and mostly out of his bottom. (no fun)

One night, as I opened the bathroom door and was drying my clean and shiny hair, I noticed in the dark living room that the cat dropped a sock near the puppy. I thought it was no big deal; then I thought about it. The cat doesn't usually have socks in his mouth, the dog does. So I turned on the light in the living room and noticed I was staring at a gopher. Yuck, eeek, ooouuuooo. I don't like rodents. So I was about to dodge for something to get rid of it and realized the broom and dust pan were in the kitchen. The 3 dogs and 1 cat were trying to get near the yummy delicacy. As I shooooed them away, I ran for the broom in a sprint.

I took a deep breath and swept up the rodent, but the rodent was soft and limp and wouldn't slide nicely onto the dustpan. I had to keep trying to gather this fresh kill before the animals devoured it. This was not a great day for me; still makes me grossed out just thinking about it. lol

I finally got it and was heading out the front door when I realized there was the huge dog on the front porch. I had to sway her away and put the rodent outside with the dustpan. I am just thankful the dustpan had a tall handle. I looked outside and remembered I already took out the trash cans earlier because the next day would be trash day. As I looked down, I realized I am in my pj's, yet I had to get rid of this rodent before the animals got it. I ran and grabbed a jacket and didn't care how I looked. I walked out to the front of the house, out to the street, and carefully put that limp gopher in the trash can.

So glad that was over. Now it was time to get ready for bed. The owner of the dogs likes her animals to wear clothes, so I changed 4 of their clothes just in case she came home the next day. I put on their warm shirts because it was cold. I felt like I was getting 4 babies ready for bed. Crazy. Okay 2 dogs had medicine, changed 4 dog's clothes, made sure they all went out to potty, and then put 3 in a bed. One of them was missing her owner so she slept on the floor in my bedroom. Okay every body is set, so now I get some time to myself. Man, I felt like a crazy mom. lol
Whew, what a night!!!

I had a hard time sleeping; the dog "Bella" I let sleep in my room, actually snores. Then in the middle of the night, something startled me. I looked on the side of my bed, and the dog was jumping up and down really high, trying to get on my bed. All I could do was laugh. I don't know how long she had been jumping and NO I did not let her sleep with me.

The next morning I realized it was going to be a hot day, so I had to change the dogs clothes again because they would have roasted in their warm clothes. So I ran to the dresser drawer where all the dog's clothes were and picked out 4 more outfits, then threw them on them because my bus was about to pick me up. Then I made sure 2 of them had their meds and all were fed and I was out the door.

(The Next day) I was getting things done in the house, and then made sure the door was locked and the alarm was set before getting ready for bed. A half hour passed by and I kept hearing barking. I told one of the dogs that was following me to stop barking. Yet she wouldn't stop. Actually I figured out it wasn't her at all; it was one of the dogs I forgot about and left him outside. So I had to unset the alarm and open the door and let him in. Then I turned the alarm back on.

A little later, I kept hearing running water. It was bugging me because I was the only one in the house. So I opened the door and forgot about the fact that I had turned on the alarm. So the alarm is now blaring; I run and turn it off. I call the alarm company to tell them that it was a false alarm and didn't want to be charged for it. I dialed the number that was written down. It said the number is changed and to call another number. So I call that number; after following all of the steps and talk to an actual person; they said I have the wrong alarm company. So then I finally call the correct company and the rep said that the alarm didn't register onto the system. I guess if you turn the alarm off within a few seconds, it doesn't compute. I remember running to turn the alarm off. What a crazy week I had!!!
And the owner of the dogs wonders why I was so exhausted after I dog sat. funny. lol.   Stay tuned for more adventures.

Are you a monkey?*

Yah, and about that evolution thing, people actual believe that we came from apes or monkeys. You might have come from a monkey, but I didn't. And if we came from monkeys, why are there still some at the zoo? Are we holding them hostage to see if they will turn into a person's son or daughter someday. That just cracks me up.

Anyone that knows me real well, knows that my favorite animal is the monkey, but I know that I wasn't a monkey, never been a monkey, never will be a monkey and my great, great, great, and a million more great grandparents were not monkeys. So stop monkeying around, and get a clue: God created us... God is my true father, not the monkey.

God is creative*

Yesterday I was cutting open a pomegranate; I was thinking who ever made this fruit is very creative. I was taking out each little piece and placing it in a bowl. I would break apart more of the pomegranate and realize there was even more of those little pieces hiding. As I grabbed one little piece and ate it; I was amazed at how much juice was in that tiny little seed.

It made me start thinking about how creative God is; He made so many different kinds of fruit. He put so much thought into each one, especially the pomegranate. He has made so many things on this earth, plus the earth itself, and everything surrounding it.

God amazes me with all that He does. If I was him, I wouldn't even know where to start to even think about how to make an earth, let alone mankind. Here's a thought: What if I was in charge of making mankind. You think it's bad now, it's nothing compared to it if I was in charge of it. I guess there is a reason why He is God and I am not. He can do anything. He can be everywhere at once, and yet know each individual person personally and individually. That is so amazing to me. I can not do that. I love people but that's just a lot of responsibility, let alone a lot of people.

When I was opening that piece of fruit, it just made me think of how could someone not believe that God exists when he is all around us. He is in the air we breath (yes, even in the smog), he is in Russia, as well as CA, and even all the way to the moon. That would be so cool, to be an astronaut and go to the moon and do your daily devotional or pray and be surrounded by all those stars. That would be so breathtaking, yet I am afraid of heights so you won't see me there anytime soon. Remember that we are surrounded by God and all that He is and all that He does.

God created man. The more I read details of the anatomy it just amazes me how each part, big or small, is connected and for all the different purposes.
How can someone not believe that there is no God? That just stumps me.
God is God.
The end.

-(I dedicate this blog to the 3 amigos: Devin Henderson, Esteban Sandoval, and Kellen Ricker, just because I can and also because they were my former students. All have grown up and recently have started attending different colleges, are still serving God, and I am proud of them).

Chiropractic treatment is working!*

Chiropractic treatment is working! I just know that in my case, it will take a lot of time.
I guess you can say that I have been frustrated because some of my friends and doctors do not think that Chiropractors are “real doctors” or “good doctors,” yet the chiropractic treatment that I have had, has helped. I know I do have these migraine-like headaches still, yet they are not as frequent as before I started this treatment a year ago. I do have fibromyalgia flare-ups often and other intense pain, but I look to the future of it lessening.

I tend to visit my regular physician every now and then for the usual checkups, referrals, or questions that I have. In the past, my regular doctor has done everything he knows how to do for my illnesses and pains and nothing has worked. He has ordered many tests and has treated me with Trigger Point Injections, wellness shots, numerous medications, etc... He has even referred me to numerous specialists for: Fibromyalgia, Rheumatology, Gastroenterolology, Internal Medicine, Neurology, Dermatology, and even a Chronic Pain Clinic... and yet nothing has worked. He has done everything he knows how to do and now he basically tells me to just deal with the chronic conditions. I can honestly say that I am doing that better now, than I have in the past.

Several years ago, the Fibromyalgia and Nutritionist specialists had helped me get on track on how to handle different things, and change my way of eating, which I did, yet nothing else had worked. So I was sent to a specialist at the Chronic Pain Clinic; he said that I was in too much pain and had too many problems and to come back when I am in less pain and have less chronic illnesses. I remember crying back then, but now I can actually laugh.

It figures!!! All of my specialists and doctors say that I am their most difficult patient (meaning, I have many chronic illnesses that are difficult to treat and many medicines do not work on me like they do on most of their patients). Most of my doctors are frustrated because anti-inflammatory medicines make me sick. And now I can’t even get treated at the Chronic Pain Clinic. Wow!!! It is funny; now I can laugh at all of this, when in the past I just wanted to crawl in a cave and cry. Not that I live near a cave or anything, but if I was to have found one, I would have crawled in it and cried, in the past.
Well, this month, I went to my regular physician and he tells me that I look a lot better than I did a year ago. I tell him that for over a year now, I have been going to a chiropractor for treatment and that he even specializes in Fibromyalgia.

He was actually holding his laugh; and looked at me with a condescending look that made me feel like he was belittling me. Yet, I stood my ground and told him that the chiropractic treatment has been helping, yet it will take a while to get well because I have so many things wrong with me. I could tell that he was still holding his laugh, and he smiles this smile that almost seems evil. He says that the Chiropractor can’t help me, yet he just told me I look like I am doing better than a year ago. I tell him that I don’t have as many migraines as I used to because of the chiropractic treatment.

He asked me if I have been taking my Fibromyalgia medicine. I told him that I have not and my friend tried it and she had some really bad side effects. He said, “Well, that’s her, not you.” I told him that I am tired of being medicated, I never started the Fibro meds, and that I got off of two other medications with his approval and another specialists approval. I am on so many different medications that I think some of the medications are causing side effects that I have to get on another med to help with that side effect.

When I left the doctor’s office that day, I thought of what I should have said. I should have asked what he has done to make me well in these last couple of years. He probably would have said that he has already done everything he knows how to treat me, and then I would have replied, “And I appreciate all that you have helped me do, and now it’s my turn to find other options, which happens to be chiropractic treatment.”

God loves us so*

Isaiah 49:16New International Version (NIV)

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
    your walls are ever before me.

I Will Never Forget You,* Debbie Hodson*

I will never forget you, my dear friend, Debbie.
I am missing you; your friendship, your smiles, and your laughter.
I know you went to be in the arms of God, September 30, 2008. I couldn't even imagine living without you; and yet a full year has gone by.
I know that you would be so proud of me. I can hear you laughing and joking and being so excited of how God has worked in my life these last few months. I have had to do some growing up since you left.
You would have cried with me during some times this year, and yet been so excited with me with the blessings God has given me lately. I can hear you praising God at the fact that I am now working...and it's in the medical field.
Who knew that when I helped you study for your medical exam last year that I would need to know those medical terms now?

I will never forget the day you took me to get a procedure done.
The nurse wouldn't let me go home because every time I looked at you, my pulse would go up. We laughed hard and were trying to keep quiet; the other patients were sleeping in the hospital room. You told me to not look at you, but that just made me laugh even more and then my pulse would rise again.
Then there was that time you took me to the doctors and cheered me on as I had to drink 3 of those chalky drinks. Yuck. We tried working on a Bible Crossword puzzle that was so difficult.When I was done with my appointment, I was impressed that you finished most of the crossword. You then laughed and said that you got most of them from the answers in the back of the book.

I will never forget the times we would go to the health store. You would get your yogurt and I would get mine with soy.
I would buy us those special homemade, healthy vegan cookies and then we would drive to the nearby park and talk as we enjoyed the healthy snacks. We even had many conversations over the phone. We would talk and pray for each other. You gave me great advice and I tried to give you some too.

I will never forget how concerned you were for your family
and how much you loved and cared for them.
Even the times you left the house for long periods of time, you asked me to check in on Corrinne to make sure she was okay. And I did several times.
I remember going to Mark's 5th or 6th grade graduation; you were so proud of him; and I enjoyed watching him present a rose to you that day. I remember when the cancer came back; Matt would enroll in College in Washington.
He was going to wait, but you told him to go ahead and attend.
You cared about him so much, and wanted what was best for him and his future.
I remember going to Melody's outdoor wedding and how cold it was.
It was so nice to see you smile so proudly for Melody and Josh.

I will never forget when we celebrated Corrinne's 80th birthday.
Rob allowed me to use his new video camera. I was having fun recording everyone with my not-so-steady hand.
I even quietly taped you getting the birthday cake ready and then you looked up and squealed. I remember when Rob would give me some rocks that he said had fake gold in them. I would humor him and take them; you just quietly smiled and shook your head.

I will never forget our last Christmas together.
You bought me some polka-dotted, thermal pj's because you knew how cold I get in the winter. You said that anyone who gets up in the middle of the night to pray for people needs to be warm. I told you they remind me of Baskin Robins, which has cold ice cream. brrr
As you gave me that present, you told me you had cookies for me also.
Because I wasn't at church the day you brought them for me, you didn't want them to go bad, so you ate them. We laughed together when you told me about that. You always had a way of cracking me up; also I think one year, you ate my Easter bunny you had for me too because I wasn’t at church. You didn’t want it to go bad either. Now I realize you had a thing for sweets.

I will never forget how four or us celebrated our birthdays together last year.
Jennifer, Penny, you, and I went to Famous Dave’s and had our dinner delivered to us in a trash can lid.
We all laughed, took pictures, ate lots, and enjoyed each other’s company.
We asked the waitress to take our picture together and I didn’t realize that it would be our last picture with you.

I will never forget the first day you were in the hospital
in September of last year.
We bonked heads as you tilted your head to lean on my head;
you told me how to keep on living for God no matter what happens to you.
You told me to be strong and everything would be okay.
You told me you would probably die soon but I wouldn't accept it, until now.

I will never forget how Penny and I were praying for you
and you apologized as you kept falling asleep on that day you were admitted to the hospital. I told you not to worry about it; we will just pray for you.
I remember how Rob would sneak me in your hospital room so that I could see you.
Almost every time I saw you, when you were awake, you would lean your head next to mine.You would smile no matter what state you were in, in that last month of your life here on earth.
One day as I was talking with you, I didn’t realize that you couldn’t see anymore.
You asked Rob, if I was the one with the beautiful brown hair. You would always talk about my hair and how you loved it and didn’t think it was fare that I had healthy hair with all the medications I am on.
I told you I would shave my hair to make you feel more at ease about your hair falling out.
You told me to not do that; you wanted everything to look normal, so I thankfully said okay.

I will never forget your last night here on earth.
Irene, Liz, and I came to your hospital room and quietly prayed with you.
You were sleeping but I knew your spirit heard us.
I noticed your breathing was different and I called the nurse.
As we waited, Irene quietly sang a song to you; I felt someone pass by me, but no one was behind me. Then Liz saw a vision of you joyfully going to heaven, and we realized later that, at that time, that is when you had entered heaven. I had a hard time that night and the months to follow.
The nurse let us say goodbye to you. When I hugged you, I noticed it was different; it wasn’t you anymore. Your spirit had gone to heaven; your physical body had died. You were no longer there.
I called our pastor and he came that night to the hospital to console us.
Liz, Irene, and I left the hospital teary-eyed, yet praising God for we knew exactly where you were. We knew that we felt God’s spirit and presence that night. God made it a special night for us.

You are still with our Heavenly Father, who we live for and will someday be able to see His face like you do right now. I am grateful you are in Heaven, in a better place without sickness or pain. I thank God that He allowed me to spend those years with you on this earth and I will take what you taught me and teach others.
I will never forget you, my dear friend Debbie.
Love you sista
I am so glad God brought you into my life.

Contentment*

I shall be content
through doctor’s appointments, blood tests, MRI’s, EKG’s and physical examinations;
through medications, ultrasounds, wellness shots, physical therapy, and neck and back adjustments;
through electric stimulation, deep massage, posture pro, and trigger point injections.

I shall be content
through no sleep to restless sleep, dropping things, forgetfulness, and lightheadedness;
through muscle spasms, daily headaches, ongoing stomach issues, and lack of energy;
through allergic reactions, cervical vertigo, sensitive hearing, and even silent illnesses.

I have slowly learned to be content
through having an income to low income and being on a lowered income of SSA Disability;
through ongoing medical-life adjustments, benefits taken away, and finances becoming even tighter;
through two to five doctor’s appointments a week to learning to become a patient - patient.

I am learning to be content
through God who is my ultimate Father, my companion, my guide, and my counselor;
through God who is faithful, compassionate, kind, omnipotent, and omniscient;
through God who understands, is lovable, and is one who is always here with me.

I am learning to be content
through God’s closeness, companionship, ultimate strength, His amazing grace and mercy;
through God’s blessings, patience, unconditional love and His total understanding of me;
through God’s beautiful presence, awesome friendship, and His ultimate being.

I can not live without God's help

God's Beautiful Masterpiece*

I have one of my grandmother’s paintings handed down to me from my mother. I have had it for many years and recently noticed a yellow film coating the painting. A friend of mine told me how to restore the painting by using cotton balls, dish soap and water.

As I gently cleaned the delicate picture, I began to see beautiful bright colors come from the flowers that surrounded the bird. The vibrant colors of pink, yellow, blue, and green popped out as though I had just painted it myself. As the first layer of yellow film began to disappear, I noticed the strokes of the paintbrush embedded in the paint. I traced them with my finger and wondered what she was thinking and how was her life at the moment she painted this beautiful picture. What was on her mind the moment she stroked the brush against the canvas?

The original painting was so much more vibrant when the yellow coating was cleaned up. I had to let it dry completely before I am able to take the 2nd layer of the yellow film off. I guess you can say that it’s a process to clean an old and delicate picture.

The process of cleaning the picture reminds me of how God is with us. Every one of us is His original paintings. He brushed each stroke of our body and our lives; we are in the palm of His hands.

We were born into sin and this sin has put an ugly film over us which makes it hard to see God’s original work. When we acknowledge and accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, He completely cleans off the yellow film of sin from us and we begin to see God’s masterpiece.

Even when we are Christians, sin sometimes builds up. We have to continually go to Jesus Christ for him to cleanse us and make us more beautiful, God's beautiful masterpiece.

How Does God Answer Prayers?*

Jesus Christ knew what He came down on earth for. He knew in advance what He was going to accomplish, who He would come in contact with, and how His life would end. He knew He would be beaten, mocked, cursed at, ridiculed, and then crucified. Even when He knew what was going to happen, He didn't run away or hide. Jesus Christ kept doing what He was supposed to do; He obeyed His Father and did His will.

Jesus spent a lot of time with the 12 disciples whom He mentored. He didn't rub it in their face and say, "Because all of the bad things you and everyone in the world has done, I have to be crucified and go through a lot of anguish..." No he didn't say that. He didn't even throw a pity party and say, "woe is me." He felt total compassion for them and the generations to come, which includes you and I.

Jesus brought the disciples with Him to Gethsemane and asked them to sit while He walked away from them to pray; He had Peter, James, and John go with Him. I think He chose those three to go with them for support and He just needed His close friends by Him. Remember this Jesus (who is also God) is in human form when He was on this earth. He felt pain and emotions just like you and I do.

Suddenly the weight of this heavy burden was on His shoulders; He began to be sorrowful and troubled and told them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death; stay here and keep watch with me."

When He was in the garden praying, He fell on His face and cried out to his Father (God). I think he was probably feeling very "alone" at this moment. He cried out,
"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." He not only prayed this once, but three times.

He knew what He was about to go through; I think perhaps He was hoping that His Father would change His mind and not have Him go through the suffering He was about to go through. He knew that God could take this from Him in an instant. He had seen people healed of leprosy, others raised from the dead, and even demons being cast out of people. So why did His Father, God, not answer His prayer the way He wanted it to be answered? Why was this time different? Surely God could change His mind; surely God could find another way to take away the sins of the world. But God knew best.


As Jesus prayed and felt so heavy and burdened down, an angel came to Him and strengthened Him. There are so many times in our own lives when we are going through tough times, that God may send an angel to help us or strengthen us.

Jesus was in so much anguish about what He was going to do that while He prayed, His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. He was basically in turmoil. He prayed again: "Not my Will, but Yours." He had put His feelings and emotions aside, and told His Father that He would go through with it because He knew it's what His Father wanted Him to do.

I can imagine that maybe Jesus' mother quietly begged God, "God, please don't let Jesus die; don't let my baby go through pain or sorrow. You know He has served you wholeheartedly; He was a good boy and has grown up to be a godly man. Please take this from Him. Please God, Please." And why wasn't her prayer answered? Have you ever prayed that kind of prayer for someone you loved who was going through cancer, who was on their death bed, or who has diabetes, or some other illness. Why doesn't God answer the prayer? (Why doesn't He do what "I" think is best?) Hmmm.

I am in a growing time in my life; a time where I am learning more about God and how He answers prayer. I've always prayed a certain way when it came to praying for people. I've had faith to see people healed and a lot have not been healed, including myself. I've had faith to have a lot of prayer requests answered, my way, but a lot did not happen. I have always heard that God answers prayers by "Yes, No, or Maybe". I didn't totally understand that, until now. See, I am a person who wants to see others healed, blessed, and loved. I want to see great things happen, and not bad. I want God to answer all the prayer needs the way I think they should be, but guess what? He doesn't. But, Why? Because we don't know the outcome. We don't know that if our friend dies of cancer, than maybe her family will draw closer to God, or if a person loses their house, they possibly need to learn how to trust God more, or if a person has an injury, that even though they will be suffering physically, they will draw closer to God. See, we don't know the outcome...but God does...He knows what is best.

So when you pray: even though you are praying with all your might that your need will be met, and even though you have so much anguish that your sweat becomes blood, remember to pray what you want, but then pray that God's will, will be done. It might be the best thing that has ever happened to that person you are praying for. If God answered (my imagined) prayer of Jesus' mother, that God would not let Jesus die, than we would never have a savior. If the Father, God, answered Jesus' prayer and said, "Okay Jesus, I will not have you die on the cross," we would have no one to cover our sins. So as the old saying goes, "What would Jesus Do? Well, He would say "Father, not my will, but yours."

I know, this is easier said than done, so allow God to speak to your heart as He has mine. This is hard for me too, but I so want to do the will of God, and there are so many times, my will gets in the way.

..If you are praying for me, it's okay to pray for God's will for my life.


Oh by the way, after Jesus died on the cross, He rose again!!! He is ALIVE!!!

References: Matthew 26:36-46, Luke 22:39-46

Just Pondering about God*

I sit here pondering about God and what he is up to. This great big round ball we live in is a pin drop in His eyes. So many people, so many requests. How does he deal with all the needs, of all the people? How does He not go so crazy as we would, if we had to listen to all the needs of the world? Yet He knows every need and every person on this vast earth. He knows who is doing what, when, and how they will accomplish things even 100 yrs from now. He knows what it is like to be the only one on this earth for no one created Him; he always existed. He knows even how quiet it was before he made man on this earth and all creation. Billions and billions of people buzzing around like in a bee hive or in an ant hill, in this great, tremendous earth. How in the world does God handle it all? How can he know my need and yet know billions of others and deal with each one personally? I don't understand it all. I just know he does it all!!! Hmmm...makes me want to ponder even more...


Picture is by Expressive Praise

God is the ROCK*

God welcomes the hurting.
God whispers your name, he knows your pain.
It's hard to see the plan of God when going through hard times and losses.

There are rocks in the road and disappointments. Have you lost hope?
Jesus wants to walk with us, through this road.
God wants to hold us in our life and say there is hope.

God IS the rock.
Find hope in Him.

He is God; what are you going to do about it!!!


some key points from sermon notes from April 12, 09

Getting Activated *

Remember I am significant and important to eternity.
What is it that God wants with me?
Read Exodus 1:1-14

1) God favors the oppressed We have a little bit of eternity in us. We are most like our Father God when we take care of the powerless. (We need to help others) 2) God incarnates His answers. (Exodus 2:1) God made Moses to help with the answers for that time. What you are going to do, has to do with what God has done to prepare you. For example: schooling, life experiences, skills you have had, etc... When you are activated by God, everything you do is easier. You can even do hard work and feel light about it on your feet. For example: setting up for church each week can get tiresome, but when God activates you, it will be enjoyable. There is joy in freedom- freedom in God Do what God made you to do and you'll have joy.






(sermon notes, April 26, 09)

Pondering about the economy*, clinging more to God*

I just had to write a blog because I feel mostly for my friends who have families and are struggling way more than I. People are losing their jobs by either getting laid-off or being fired if they don't resign. I know so many people who have lost their jobs within the last year and it seems like it's getting worse.
Everyone is even dealing with the shock of the cost of living rising. I went shopping the other day and was shocked as the prices keep climbing. I usually have to buy the costly $3.00 whole wheat bread because it's better for me; but now that $3.00 has turned to almost $5.00 now, even the $1.95 toothpaste I used to get has been raised a dollar and forget the fact that I buy 2 different kinds, one regular and one for sensitive teeth. The Sensodyne which is usually costly for me has doubled in price. I found it for $6.00; I decided to wait until I find it cheaper somewhere else. 
When I shop, I have to really focus on, do I really need this item that I am about to buy because I can save that money and it will help the rising grocery bill. Then there are the companies that do the unthinkable and decide to raise electric, gas, or water and you can't live without those, so they usually get their money.
The city I live in, is looking scarce in some areas because of businesses' closing. People can't afford to pay for the extra expense on the own business, let alone on their house. It saddens me to see this happen because I know with each business that has closed, there are people hurting, and each of those people have families who have to eat, buy what they need, and just survive.

A couple of months ago, when I went to the Post Office, I asked a person there if stamps would go up in price within the next few months, They reassured me that it would not happen. On the news yesterday,I heard that stamps will go up 2 more cents to equal .44 cents. I know that it is just a few cents, but those cents add up. I decided from that point on, to buy the forever stamps only because even if I bought the forever stamp at .40 cents, I can use it now for the .42 cent stamp and I don't have to add any more postage. Well, you might want to buy more stamps because in May, stamps will be raised to .44 cents. Not only is the economy in the United States not doing well, they announce that California is in a financial crisis. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing all he can to cut the financial problems. He even said he may cut the unemployment payments or put it on hold for awhile. I can not imagine how my friends who were laid-off from their jobs because of the economy, and now won't be able to afford to eat if their unemployment is cut. There are so many people looking for jobs, yet there is not jobs to be found. I did find one job at a place near my doctor named YESCO. Check it online to see what it is. 
I have another friend who had to foreclose on their house and when the White House promised that bailout money would go to banks to help people who lost their homes, the bank would not help my friends. It is a devastated time for them and are trying to make the best of it. Their family of four had to move in with a relative and that has happened to several of my friends. It not only reminds me of the "end times," it also reminds me of the Bible days when there was a great famine in Egypt and people could not even afford to eat. They had to sell their homes and land in exchange for food from Pharoah. (Genesis chapters 41-42 and chapter 47:20-26). I often wonder if something like that will happen here. I wonder if because people can't afford their homes, they can't find jobs, and they can't afford food, etc... Will we get to the point where we are so desperate for food and survival that we would sell our items to the government in exchange for food . 
"Joseph said to the people, 'Now that I have bought you and your land today for Pharoah, here is seed for you so you can plant the ground...'" (Nothing may happen at all; I just keep thinking about the Bible during those hard times for those people in surrounding areas near Egypt.)

I want to encourage you to look to God during this very crucial time in the United States. It is easy to worry about everything, but try to remember God sees all and knows all; he is greater than the government or the economy.

LORD, I GIVE YOU MY VESSEL*

God, I am your willing vessel.
Do to me what you will.
I am a vessel in training;
Broken, chipped, yet willing to be molded
again and again.
Do to me what you will,
so that you may be glorified
over and over.

For it is for you,
why I breathe
why I face each morning
and each night.
For it is for you,
why I live,
why I work,
move or rest.

I give you my ALL.
My WHOLE vessel.
It may be small and a bit fragile,
but it's ALL I have;
I give it to you.
EVERY piece, EVERY inch.
My Vessel, I give to you.
LORD, I give you MY VESSEL.


May 15, 2008
11:23 p.m.

Your love is ALL I Need*

God, I am your willing vessel;
Pour yourself inside of me.
I give my whole life to you,
that is who I really want to be.
Nothing else in this world
really matters, unless I have you.
Without you, everything would be hopeless;
so thankfully I have your love, so true.
Your love is really all I need.



I wrote this on May 14, 2008
6:30 p.m.

Side Effects from Meds*

I will tell you a little of what I went through in the last 30 days. But first, let me tell you three things that are important. 1) Believe in God , 2) Trust God and 3) Have one to three close friends (to help guide you, pray for you, and ones you can confide in who are trustworthy). You never know when a tragedy happens or unexpected medical problems happen and you need God and those close friends to lean on.

Okay, All I remember is that I went to church Christmas Sunday, had Christmas at my friend’s house, and then two days later I had one medical problem after another regarding my headaches/migraines. The next thing I know was my room-mate was making plans for new year’s eve. I seriously asked her, “Is tomorrow new year’s eve?” No way, where did that week go. I was practically comatose for a whole week and didn’t realize the world spinned passed me over and over again. With all these health issues, I didn’t feel my normal self, I couldn’t speak correctly, and believe me, I was just a mess. My close friends called to make sure I was okay, made sure I was eating, and just lifted me up in prayer. I am so grateful for my room mate who took me a few times in my distress and just prayed over me. The rest I honestly don’t remember except for some horrible side effects. I remember staring at the tv or the four walls of the house a lot, but a lot of it is a blurr. I remember trying to pray, but my friends had to help me pray, because I couldn’t do it on my own. My mind was so unclear, I was so out of it. 

Recently I felt I was close to death, but the feeling was stronger than death itself. Let me explain. I excitedly went to church for the first time January 20 since Christmas Sunday, but I came home with a rather horrible headache, so that night I took some new medication the doctor prescribed. I then grabbed an ice pack to place over my eyes, and went to bed. I slept for a couple of hours. I woke up very nauseated, and then I felt like I was having a heart attack without the chest pain. Then I felt this weird sensation all over my body like oxygen was leaving my brain, veins, and heart. I felt so weak, that I couldn’t get up out of bed, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t see clearly. Lights were flashing in my vision. (I later found out that the medication caused my esophagus to spasm which makes you feel like you are having a heart attack, well that’s what the doctor told me). 

 Thank God, it wasn't a real heart attack. Medication can do horrible things. So now that is my 3rd new medication I have had to throw away because of the side effects.
I don’t know if any of this is making any sense. Maybe I am writing it because You need a good laugh, or maybe you need to realize I am still needing prayer. Or maybe you need to realize that yes, everyone needs to make sure they are right with God at all times, because at any second of any day, at any time, something can happen. 

Don’t take you life for granted! Believe and trust God, have some close friends near by, and make sure God is your God because you never know when it may be too late. You may have a medicated heart attack-like symptoms like I had or you may have a real heart attack and die. How’s your relationship with God?
When a friend or pastor asks, “is your heart and life right with God?” Seriously make sure it is...You never know when you are going to die... or not.
**************************************************************************

To finish the story, I emailed my headache doctor today, since she is a Christian, I asked her to pray before I take any more medications she has put on order. (She wants to start me on two more headache meds). 
She emailed me back and said: I will pray but in order to do that and to really listen to the voice of God, I’m not going to be back to you for a day or so. I take this seriously so please remember that I will be taking it into prayer and will get back to you when I hear... 
PRAISE GOD...Just knowing that my doctor is going before the throne of God on my behalf puts joy in my soul.
***********************************************************************************************************************
Thank you for all of you who have and are praying for me I appreciate it ! And for all those who have called me, went to get my meds for me, and just was there for me, I thank you so much.

Mosquitoes and the power of God*

I recently visited Oklahoma. Its beautiful, true-blue skies and pure white, puffy clouds remind me of refreshing air to breathe and that is NOT what we have in CA. In OK, there was no evidence of smog and the true, fresh rain it offers is “real” rain... It doesn’t sprinkle; it pours… Oklahomans are thankful that their three year drought is over.

If for some reason, you could not hear or see the rain, its aftermath was evident. My sweet body seems to be attracted to the flying, hopping, jumping, and ummm… skipping insects… (No, I don’t attract guys, I attract insects… Ha Ha… LOL…). I could have connected the dots of the swollen lumps of those, small and mighty insect bites.
After a refreshing shower, I decided to saturate my body with the aroma of mosquito and flying insect repellent. (I have to because I am one of those people who are allergic to one of God’s creatures and then there is that West Nile Virus thing). Guess what I learned? Never ‘SPRAY’ your legs with Insect repellent after you shave them…IT BURNS… (Sorry guys, but it was like that “Home Alone” movie. I wanted to hold my legs and scream like that kid held his cheeks. No Tamara, I didn’t do that.)
So I either spray on the stuff right after I shower, and my legs would burn, or I wait a while, but then the mosquitoes would attack. Which is worse?
For some reason, I kept thinking about the mosquitoes and their powerful bite and how it coincides with a Christian’s life (with the power of God.) If I could be like the tiny mosquito who may be small, yet it has a mighty powerful bite. It was so evident that the mosquito had visited me…(If it would be so evident that the power of God had visited me and was in me).
If I could be a Christian, (one Christian in the midst of millions in the world), doing the will of God and taking on HIS Power, How powerful would that be? WOW!!! Then if 5 people get together and do the will of God, how powerful would that be, and then if 25 people get together and do the will of God, how powerful would that be…and so on… WOW, that’s amazing and we can do it… God has a work for us to do...
(Take time to think about it)

Learning a few Lessons*, at the Airport*

Learning a few lessons, AGAIN…before leaving the airport
After I arrived at the Ontario airport, Liz was kind enough to help me bring my luggage to the “check- in” line before she left. We said goodbye and then I waited in line; you know the usual stuff that happens. When I checked in, the female employee asked for my I.D. and then she asked me to pick up one of the luggages to put it on the scale. I kindly told her that it was too heavy for me and asked if she would help me. She said, “no, but if you aren’t going to do it, then I am not either.” I said, “Okay.”
She then proceeded to tell me to bring my check-in luggages to another section to be screened. No problem, I thought. Then I tried to juggle 2 luggages, one carry-on, my purse, and a jacket. I had no luck; I kept dropping things including my ticket and I.D. I finally asked for help. The lady called for “assistance” and then an employee came with a wheel chair, I told him I didn’t need the wheel chair, I just needed a little bit of help to get to the security screening. The female employee said, “We don’t do that,” and the male employee kindly said he’d help me…I was so grateful…Everything checked-in and I was set for the carry-on luggage to be screened.
Everything was fine, until the security lady asked me if the small black carry-on was mine; after I said yes, she pulled me to the side to look through it… I wasn’t worried because I did everything the airlines said to do. I had all my medicines in their original bottles, no knives, guns (can you picture me with a gun? No way), or sharp objects, and I even had all the 3 oz. bottles in the Ziploc bag. So I thought nothing of it… She searched it over and over again until she pulled out a can of Cambells’ chicken noodle soup and asked if I needed this. I said, “yes, I planned on eating it…I was just thinking of my hunger and stomach problems, that’s why I brought it along. She asked me two more times, “do you need this soup?” I said yes, but then I was thinking: go ahead and take it…I don’t need it that bad… She came closer to me and quietly said, “I will let you bring it on this time, but don’t bring it on again. We are not supposed to let you bring on liquids.” I apologized for bringing it, but I told her that I was just honestly thinking of my stomach and nothing else and it never occurred to me, to not bring it.” ..So from now on, note to self and the rest of the world: do not bring Campbell’s soup on board the airplane.

When Leaving Oklahoma …
As I waited patiently in line, took off my shoes, my jacket, and put all objects in the bucket, I proceeded through the security section and of course, the alarm went off. So I showed them my metallic medical Medic Alert necklace which I thought was the problem. The security guy asked me a series of questions as he came closer to make sure I didn’t proceed to another area. Thankfully he asked if I was wearing a belt, I thought, -oh yeah, I just bought a belt in OK and it has a big buckle, so I had to put that through the security screening… I was so grateful it was my belt; I didn’t want to be physically searched.

NOTE TO SELF: NO big belt buckles and NO cans of soup. How will I eat or hold my pants up? LOL

Have a great God-loving day...

Creepy critters*

okay, I am back from Oklahoma and I had a welcome visitor today. I kept hearing this weird sounding noise in the back yard, but thought nothing of it. Even that cat was a little fearful looking. 

I went outside, looked up at the patio and noticed a foot (or more) long tail hanging through the wood slots. SO I went a little ways out and low and behold, there was a fuzzy creature. I couldn't see his face. I decided to go get my cell phone to take a picture of it. 

It had moved: I looked at a different position and slowly climbed on a white chair to get a better view, and I used the flashlight because it was dark outside.

 I then saw this this long tailed, furry possum bigger than Liz's cat "PC". I was freaked out and wasn't sure if it was going to jump on me, thankfully it looked as much scared as I was. It had two fangs and some sharp looking smaller teeth. I looked to the side for a moment.

All of a sudden I heard it chomping on something that looked like a big Bettle bug. It was salivating and sucking out the inside of whatever it was eating and chomping loudly. It was pretty disqusting. Then I got a closer look of what it was eating. It was a small avocado. After it was done eating, it let the avocado pit fall to the ground.. It was huge.

{EEEWWW...Pam, Penny, and Debbie, this is no joke... forget the tree rat, the bugs, the dogs, the frogs, I think this was the worst and it was on the patio roof of my backyard}. How do Liz and I get rid of it? Any ideas? See ya all soon...I have lots of things to blog about regarding my trip, so I will be writing y'all soon..